New Years Resolution

"Bless me Father for I have sinned; it has been 5 months. I ......." I couldn't start it. I didn't know where to start.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"Twenty-eight," I responded.

"Are you married?"

"No."

"Have you lied?"

"Well maybe a couple of times but it was merely out of kindness, nothing malicious."

"Have you had sex?"

"No."

"Ah, have you missed Mass?"

"A time or two." It was out of despair and ingratitude, the end of '07 was hard on me.

"Have you ***********?"

"Yes, many times."

"Have you been dishonest?"

"Not really, I really dont do that."

There was some silence. The questions from the priest had stopped. Then I spoke...

"I told myself that this year I would keep my comments to myself. I would not come out with my ever so natural sarcastic, condescending remarks. I would be patient in my words and be more humble in that manner."

"You may remember or not, but I had a sermon on ............ ( I forgot for I had not attended Mass at this church in sometime. I had been gone pretty much every weekend). I spoke of how if a person is to be more saintly, he must watch what goes in and out of his mouth. Watching what goes in and out of your mouth, will be a boon to your spiritual life." He said this and then gave me absolution......aww....the power to bind and loose. Those last words of absolution felt so good to me........... it soothes me now.

My penance? Three Our Father's and three Hail Marys-that seems to be the norm. By the way, this priest is not the same one as before when I was accused of paganism, if you've read my blog you'll know of the other one.

I left the confessional. I left as easily as I had come in. When I came into the foyer before confession, there was no line to the confessional.........it was meant to be or was I lucky? lol God forgive me!

As I opened the door and came out, a mom and her young son walked by to enter the main church from the foyer. She looked my way and then make a second look and smiled. Maybe she though I was someone else? I smiled back. As I followed them in the church, I ran into her again for her kid was walking in circles, she smiled again.

I sat up front and attentively listened/partook in Mass-it had been a long time since I had done this. I didn't go to Communion..........I felt it wasn't the right time even though I had gone to confession just minutes before. Does God take offense to this? I'm not sure......I would think he's not happy about it. Mortal sin? I dont think so. I'm just having trouble with faith and hope right now. I didn't think it would be fair to Christ if I accepted him despite my troubling thoughts at times. My thoughts aren't of adultery or anything like that, but those of doubt and lack of faith. My faith and hope for things were kind of shattered once I found out that Laura was married; it was January 31, 2007. I had come across a website with her name, and now her name that she took. I soon realized he wasnt that far from her.....same sport! Again, the whole story is another part of my blog.

I went to Confession and Mass to start the year off right! I think its a good start. No matter what, this year will be better. It can get no worse..........there is no way. Last year hurt me much, including my dislocation during the summer in KC.

Even as I sit here, I dont feel happy like I should. I do feel peaceful though, but not happy. Hey, I'll take it! Something is better than nothing. Right?