She's Married Part II

Good-looking, confident, glowing, smarts ( I presume). I was in love! Dont get me wrong; you could lined up many other girls that were better looking than her. She was by no means a model. She seemed to be heavily disposed or was gonna grow into it (maybe, hopefully not), trust me I know what genetics have in store. Her ass could have been more, uhmmmmm ......... Anyhow, I was in love so who cares.

But this girl had me!! My heart ached for her. I had never felt this way about a girl. I had always thought of not marrying, but within weeks I couldn't help but bring God into the picture.

I'm Catholic, brought up in the faith and then strengthened by its history and teaching in my college years. I had a bitch of a roommate at my first year at Aggieland; he really made me study the faith. Not as something to enjoy, but something to defend for he was a stout Lutheran. I learned harshly that going to Mass wasn't good enough! You have to be faithful and prayerful in your faith to defend it. Turn the other cheek? Hah,,,,,,,,,well, I'm not that great a Catholic.

Anyhow, I had Adoration on Wednesday mornings, early Wednesday morning. Hell it was practically Tuesday night! When everyone else was a couple of hours into their sleep, I would be at chapel talking to the Son of God. I remember those humid nights during the summer when I would walk into St. Jo's chapel. It was an old church, the kind that rings true Christianity as opposed to the new age ones, no offense St. Mary's. I remember those cold wintery nights when I just wanted to stay in my little place and enjoy the season. Cold weather makes a man tough; I couldn't stand those fucking 100 degree days.

I'd go in, sign the little book, and sit there. Never has anyone or anything brought me so prayerfully close to God. I was frustrated, confused, lonely, jaded.......u name it. This girl was all I could think about! I had never asked God for much, for growing up I thought that my desires were miniscule compared the suffering in the world. Who was I to ask God for shit when others truely needed something worthwhile. That thought changed in a hurry. "God I want this girl. Not for lust, but as my wife. You know I dont lust for her. Children cross my mind when I see this girl." Yes I was a "good guy", but never had I prayed to God in this way, with such confidence, such faith.

I couldn't wait to see her just 12 hrs later. Sitting there behind her just looking at her. I had a good view ; - ) She had such a glow; she didnt seem like a complainer. She always seemed to be around someone whether in class or at the club just around the corner, literally. I never knew if the guy she was sitting next to was her boyfriend or just a friend. I could never approach a girl who was with her friends; I was much more reserved back then. I was gun shy. I couldn't pull the trigger. I so wish I had! I hate myself for letting this pass!

I'd rush into that small, musty chapel in the afternoon after class. "Blessed Mother help me. I dont know whats wrong. I dont know why I have this girl so heavily in my heart. Please, if I ask you anything, grant me her!"

And again..........on another occasion, kneeling before God's presence.........

"Lord, I dont know this girl, and she doesnt know me. I'm so in love with her, and it isn't looks either. Why is this ache in my heart? I can't bare it! You know I've hated the thought of marriage nor do I particularly care for it. Why do I feel that I need to be with this girl? I didn't ask for this ache!"

Yes, its true! She didn't know me although our eyes met a few times. In fact I got to speak only a few words to her before our exam. I loved her brown eyes. I liked the way she looked at me. She didnt seem to smile much, as far as I got to see. I dont know why I was infatuated with this girl. Like I said, I've seen beautiful girls and admired them, but this one just made my lungs work a bit harder just to sustain life. No, she isn't model material to anyone, but L meant the world to me.