And He Breathed New Life Into Him

I had been in the shitter all week!

No, I was not sick or had........u know stomach problems. I was down......major down!

Nevertheless, I went about my work (it was busy, thank God), went to workout (I'm getting stronger by working smarter and harder, but timing is key) and got out of my damn apartment before I really get shitty! It was a productive day! By seeing me throughout the day, you never would know what goes on in my mind and heart.

Lately, I had ran the theory through my mind that if I had not attended TAMU, I wouldn't have the shit in my head and heart that I do now. Last night before I lay asleep, I thought of it as a meat grinder gone wild within my heart and mind. How do you rid something that is internal, intangible, life-sucking, yet has no physical features. Viruses, bacterium, fungi are all "things" that have an origin and can be seen. This shit in my system........cant be cured with an antibiotic. It sucked! To be honest, I had been getting rid of everything Aggie: t-shirts, shorts, sweaters, and the magazine I got in the mail today. I hated the thought of the setup.....until I turned on my ITunes program.

In one particular playlist.........my God I cant believe this happened........I have two band songs....Tribute to Troy and Fight On, the USC Trojan theme songs. I was thinking.....USC would have been a good school to go to. Notre Dame would have been good.....UTA would have been good too. Anything but TAMU which is the alma mater of our highly touted L. Had I only avoided applying there...........

Lo and behold! I see, as the first song on the list, Noble Men of Kyle. "What could this be?" I was thinking to myself. I played it..........it was the one song that I loved more than the others! I never knew the title of it and I never could find out which school CD would have it............I was in awe! I hadn't downloaded anything since a week! Nothing..........absolutely swear to the Almighty! Never did I see anything, download anything, look up anything.......it was just there.......on top of the list! Most downloads show up at the bottom of it, at least my defaults have it that way!

I just looked up............A SIGN. I knew it! No "buts" about it. It was a gift! Out of the blue when I was feeling regret for a gift given me back in younger days for something stupid such as a girl..............I now know in my heart..........there is a reason for this! I was meant to go there and go through this anguish due to this girl...............in knowing that.............it gives me peace!

Mother Theresa..........."you have to have the utmost confidence in that God has you exactly where he wants you."

I have new life.........I'm at peace, nor do I regret anything any longer........there is a reason.....time will tell!

I was telling a friend the other day that.............."you have to see the big picture.........for God does that all the time. How do I know this? Easy......he allows (he doesn't create it) evil to happen to bring out the greater good." God is a big picture kind of guy.......which means that little details are not perfect nor all that important, but the end game is the most advantageous to all parties, even the person going through the crap. He's interested in souls for his kingdom, not ours.

The big picture.........I knew that through all of this mess I would be fine.....in some weird way. I knew I'd be okay, but I would have to go through Hell to get there. The big picture.........please God be easier on the details with me next time..........please : - )