Ooops, What Have I Done!

It was a late December evening in '06, and I was having a drink downstairs at the bar. There I was sitting there awaiting my food. I had just awaken from a quick afternoon nap and thought it good to check out the bar scene just below. I was in the mood for talking to some folks, girls chiefly.



So I sat there. It was a weekday evening. I had never been to Phoenix before, but I had to be here because of work. The night before I spent with an old buddy of mine that I used to work with; he's a great friend of mine and always will be.



Anyhow I drank a bit and ate. Nothing there was spectacular; I made small talk with the bartender. I couldn't help but feel a bit lonely being away from home with no companionship. Of course, she popped into my head from time to time..........



Nothing special was going on so I headed back up early and went to bed.....



I had a dream......



In my dream I was with a girl. She tall and lean. She was blond which caught me by surprise in my dream. This girl was great for me. She got along well with others, was good looking, great personality, all that stuff. Thinking back, I remember a portion of my dream where we are walking to the car........she's walking ahead of me and Nash is walking with her all excited. Anyhow, I remember thinking in my dream that she was perfect.........for me. It went through my head then, and I know it now. In fact, we were engaged to be married!



Then I'm in a bar scene.......looked like a Logan's. It had the wood setting with the bar and nut shells on the ground. I was at a table with two buddies, J and A. These guys are buddies of mine in DFW that I met in Fresno in the summer of '06. They are great, and we love eating out together. We grew on each other, especially J and I. Anyhow we are eating and drinking and my fiancee is behind us at another table with her friends. There wasn't a table long enough to seat all of us, so we were split into two.



Anyhow, I remember looking to my left, and there she was walking toward my direction. She smiled at me and as she turned to her left to come up the steps, she waved/gestured at me to come to her. I immediately got up to greet her. I gave her a hug..........I cant remember what I said to her. I think I said something to the effect that I had missed her and that it had been a long time. I cant remember what she said. I do remember smelling her; I could literally smell a strong odor about her as I hugged her (when I woke from my dream, I literally remember the strong odor I smelled about her....I cant explain it). It wasn't a bad odor but a smell that was stronger than you would know to be from a girl. In fact, the shirt and her odor may have tied into her doing some charity work, physical work. She didn't smell as if she got ready to go out. She smiled at me. She was dressed in a white t shirt advertising something or another charity thing, blue jeans..............I loved the way she looked even though she may have just put on some rags for all I knew.



It was L. It seems that in my dream I knew her, and she knew me. It wasn't awkward! It was peaceful and tender. She was alone, and I didn't see a ring on her finger which pleased me.



I remember asking her after our hug "how have you been?" She just did the 'okay' sign with her hand and a slight smile. "How about you?" she asked.



"We're getting married." A sharp interjection came before I responded. It had been the voice of my fiancee. It was sharp, timely, and the tone was unmistakable. She meant to be abrupt and assertive; there was nothing kind or patient about it.



L just smiled at me nodding her head as if she were happy for me. All I remember doing was looking down and thinking........."what have I done." I wasn't happy anymore. I remember thinking.............."I don't really want her; I want YOU."



I woke up! I had never had a dream about Laura before. I really don't know what to gather about it. If anything, it may hint that I got impatient about my whole situation. I really don't know.