DFW Queer

There I was on a Monday morning at Dallas Love Field waiting on my connecting flight to KC. I had just finished my morning "breakfast". It was nasty! It was a dry, sausage and biscuit muffin. No cheese, no grease (sausage has gotta have a little), no nothing! It sucked. I got two of them and a drink for $8. I sat at a high chair/table and dug in. It really sucked! After I ate and killed time by looking around, and from time to time I'd stop to gaze at the TV at the bar. You know those airport bars/eaterys..........half was a Pizza Hut (I think) and the other half was a bar.

So I sat there thinking, looking, thinking, anticipating, wondering, regretting (my breakfast), pondering..............you know how my mind is extremely active right? If you've read my blog, you do know that.

So I was killing time, and I got a chance to overhear the bartender. She was a tall, lean older woman. She was extroverted and outspoken. She wasn't an asshole, but she wasn't the kind to hold back. She was one of those ones that you could hear talking b/c of the way she was. She was sociable but unrefined. I thought her cute in her own little way!

After a long wait, I decided to head to my gate. But first, I would check out the ever so accessible Hudson Newsstand! Hey, I wanted to see what kind of goodies where in the magazine articles. I checked out the covers.........especially the ones with hot looking girls. My, my, how that Anne Hathaway reminds me of........

I felt my bladder getting full and thought it wise to hit the men's room before my plane boarded. Those damn airplane bathrooms suck! So I make my way in the room and sure enough they have unwalled urinals. No biggie, so I walk up to it and tried to take care of business. Well, I was feeling unnerved when a little kid came to the mini urinal next to me. For the ladies reading this, in every men's room there is a urinal that is half as high as the rest for the handicapped and kids. There's ur lesson in excrement ergonomics.

So the kid looked up at me. I knew it b/c I could tell from the corner of my left eye. I didn't know to look back and smile or just mind my business by looking straight ahead. I felt weird, awkward. He kept looking at me, and all I could think of was "kid, get your ass out of here." I'm good to kids but give me a break, not at the urinal.

So the kid zips up and leaves. I still haven't let out a drop! Chucky boy made me nervous! So there I was concentrating. From the corner of my right eye, a shorter man comes in and pulls his ............ to drain. He was in uniform; he had the hat and burgandy shirt. I was a good bit taller than him......... After a while, I noticed how his head went from looking straight ahead to looking toward my direction. This was unnerving! First a kid was looking at me and now this middle aged Hispanic man. I'm not knocking him for I am Hispanic.

Then I noticed something different......way different........he looked down and bobbled his manhood! I dont know if he was trying to show off or just make sure every drop was out. Over the next minute, no one came in to the bathroom. No one! At least another four times, the man bobbled his pecker while looking at me! Mind you, I still have my prick in my hand and was keeping my gym bag behind me. I kept noticing him looking my way................I was beginning to sweat! What bathroom had I walked into? I finally had enough and looked right at him by turning my head. I looked right at him and he looked right back at me.

"Buenas," he said to me smiling. It means "good one", "good day", or "have a good one" in Spanish. He said this shit while bobbling his dick at me!

I just made a hideous face at him and turned around to view the wall in front of me, the ugly ass light green 60's wall. All I could think was.........."I'm so fucking embarassed! Oh my God!"

If the son of a bitch had touched me or leaned close to me, I would have fucking beat his face in! I would have lost my job for I was on travel status........I pictured dragging his ass into the toilet stall and leaving his ass there for near dead. I wouldn't kill him, but I would have freaked out on that little dude. Anyhow, after five minutes of being at the urinal and not shooting a squirt, I zipped up and washed my hands. I noticed that he had an apron on as I left; he was still at the urinal. I left and walked to the other end of the airport where I'd hook a left at the Corner of Chili's and something else to find another men's room. All I could think about was how I wished the man would wash his hands before going back to making burgers.

So I walked to the end. I found a potty room and took care of business. I was praying that I'd walk in the men's room and NOT find a queer man there. As I noticed that this one was occupied by the cleaning dudes, I locked myself into a stall. I would do my business in peace without harassment from any nearby queers!

So I relieved myself quite well ; ) I got up and left the bathroom. It was busy, and lots of people were around. I love airports! As I walked back to my gate, I was approaching the vicinity of where the other bathroom was. To my greatest fears, I noticed a little man walking away from me. It was the queer! His hands were in his pockets, and he was just strolling along. I noticed that he wasnt a cook, but a shoe shiner! As he began his stroll back to his pit, I looked away and pretended to not notice him. Sure enough, he noticed me. He just stared at me as I walked by! I could feel it for seconds on end. I walked within a few feet of him and I could see out of the corner of my eye that he looked up at me starring. I hated the feeling and wanted to ring his scrawny neck. Why not? I bench 250; this guy would be nothing.

I just walked on by and went to my gate. I sat down and looked around. No queer man around. Thankfully, my gate was far enough from his shoe shine pit. I kept looking and wondered if anyone knew what I knew. Did anyone notice a queer man looking at another man, me, in the bathroom? Everyone seemed into their own little thing..........I was good. I could relax. I couldn't wait until we boarded to get the hell out of this place!

As I sat there...........I wondered if the guy was queer or just checking on the competition? Guys will look at guys dicks, not b/c of queerdom, but to see how they stack up to the competition! Much like coaches scouting out opposing teams prior to the big game. LOL

I wondered....... Could it have been my attire. I was looking good if I say so myself. Grey slacks that hang good of my ass, a grape long sleeved shirt, nice burgandy leather shoes. I wasn't shabby! I really dont know!

For the male readers, beware of the little 5'5 hispanic man who shines shoes at Love Field! Dont hurt him, for he is God's child. But do avoid his ass like the Plague!

Have a good one, or as they say in Spanish...........Buenas!

Lunch @ DQ

I was tired! I had just had a busy morning with complicated issues at hand. More and more, I'm able to handle my business issues quite well without getting help. I'm learning to think in the way it takes to handle those. Turns out my guy had well......long story short, he screwed himself over. I addressed his issue and advised him of his downfall and what he could do to avoid doing the same mistake. He agreed, but I know he'll keep doing the same thing over and over again.

Another person came in, and we were together for over an hour. His issue went back a couple of years, not to mention the fact that I had to do tons of paperwork b/c he want his situation done a certain way. I so hate cash. Folks, get a checking account!

I was tired, mentally. I could feel the pressure on my forehead. It wasn't bad, but I knew I needed a break. As I finished with my contact, I was eyeballing the clock on my computer. My coworker should have been back by now so I could leave for my lunch. It was well past 1 when I knew she wouldn't be back on time which was 1 o'clock for her.

I decided to see a few more people, well at least one more if they were quick. I'd ask more or less what they wanted and then judge to see if I could resolve it quickly. If I could, I would help out. Sure enough, a few more had quick issues..........then I heard the back door open. I decided to finish up and head on out; it's 1:30.

I walk into Dairy Queen just down the road; it was nicely renovated from the inside. Like other fast food joints especially new ones, this place has gone contemporary with high chairs and high tables, tiled walls and lush, cozy booths. It's a 30 second drive by car and a five minute walk by foot. So I decided to tear into a chicken strip basket, 4 pieces, and decided to get that. 8 bucks mind you! Anyhow, I chose to sit at a high table near the corner of the place that faced out into the street/downtown area.

I LOVE SITTING IN A QUIET PLACE TO EAT AND SEE THE TRAFFIC GO BY. I LOVE IT--THE QUIETNESS, THE SIMPLICITY, THE CALMNESS.

Next to my table, a black man sat. He didnt seem polished, more like a street person. He was awkward and begged for my waitress's attention as she left my table from delivering me my strips. Maybe she didn't hear him or maybe she didn't want to hear him. He simply asked for a cup of water. He had just sat down from coming from outside. It was nice outside, a bit warm but nothing unbelievable.

I sat there eating my strips. I pondered giving him money, but I only had a 20 with me. I had paid by debit card. I sat eating and notice my cup of gravy was running out. I had two strips left and some fries...... do I get more gravy or just play it lazy and keep my ass seated? After much debate, I opted for the gravy : ) I got up and asked for some more. They charged me $.54 for it. No biggie!

Then it hit me! I knew then that I was to pay for this gravy with my 20 so as to break it and have change to give to the dude who was thirsty. I knew instantly what G, the man upstairs, had in store. I'd get my gravy which I wanted, and the man would get his water which he wanted. Its a win-win situation.

So I return to my table with gravy in hand and change. I grabbed two bucks and put it on the table of the vagabond : -

"What thi' fo?" he asked.

"They're going to want that if you want a cup," I said.

"What?" he said with an odd face.

"They are going to want to have that if you want something to drink," I explained.

I quickly turned my head and started on downing my tasty strips. They were good!

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he eventually got up and got himself a small cup. He got something in it and then headed outside. A bit later I noticed him smoking a cig. I felt dumb, but I new I did my part, however insignificant. As I kept eating, I noticed him walk away. He did look at me directly as he crossed my view but didn't smile or anything. He simply walked away.

I sat there a bit relieved from my stress. My head was lighter now, but I got to wondering about L again. I keep telling myself over and over to just be happy for her. I am happy for her. I'm just taking a hit as far as faith goes. My physical condition right now since KC isn't helping either. I'm okay though.

Of course other things ran through my mind. Then I decided to come back to reality and go back to work. I still had half an hour left but oh well. I got another half refill of root beer and headed back. After I parked and headed back to my building, I noticed a man sitting outside on the stone bench. He had his back toward me....... it was the man from DQ. I thought how interesting the whole ordeal was.

What the hell did I just write about? lol

The Apple Martini

Two of these bad boys, and I'm good to go!!

Bitter Sweet

My mentors descended upon my office this past week. It was good to see them again. I was pleased to see them, for they are easy to get along with. I enjoy people who are easy to get along with!

Both were to do reviews of our work. More and more, I've come to be ..........not indifferent, but confident in my approach to "tests."

The test.................. it could come in the form of an interview, an exam at school, a naked woman in front of you, a hardship in your face tempting you to turn away from........ they come in all sorts of shapes and stuff.

I was being reviewed and I was hoping for a quick and dirty contact. Well as my luck would have it, it was anything but.........

He came in.............speaking Spanish. I was like "oh great". This would surely sink me. I come from Spanish descent, but I never really came to know the language all that well. I understand it better when they speak it to me as opposed to my speaking it. I can write it pretty well.......but my speaking sucks!

Moreover, he had a notice. This just drove the hammer in my heart deeper! My Spanish isn't good enough to get into this kind of depth! Those ever radiant, harsh but inspirational words came to my mind...........the stuff that makes me get things done when I'm not feeling up to par......"just suck it up." Those words...........they take me back to my high school years when I played football. Those years were painful (physically) at times.

I wont go into detail. Ironically, this case was detailed. This gentleman had a lot going against him, and it was my job to pull his ass out of the gutter. As I proceeded, I was gaining momentum even while at times stumbling, but I hung in there strong. An hour and a half later, I had complete a very thorough contact and managed to pull off my proceedures just fine, at least I thought.

Today, I got my review on paper. It was the most stellar one yet! Words such as "good", "pleasing", "thorough", "complete", yada yada yada. It was great. For a second, I wanted to treat myself to a lot of booze! Two minutes later, I came back to reality. It was fun.

Then I got to thinking about that saying, "For those who desire sweetness must not flee from what is bitter." Had I found a way of getting out of that contact that I already knew would be difficult and potentially embarassing to me(the bitterness), then I would in no way had such a stellar review. The fact that it was something much more complicated and in depth than that of any of my coworkers had experienced that day, and the fact that the review would be in my profile for as long as I work there was sheer sweetness.

Today proved a great example, as I see over and over again, that everything has its price. Everything has its cross!

For most of my life, I've avoided the cross. I'm Catholic but feel inept at times to be part of the Mother Church.

I'm tired...........

I better catch a nap before my hour tonight!

Aggie Band

An Aggie Band video automatically downloaded to my ITune list yesterday. I really dont know why........I always control what I want. I attended TAMU, but I'm not sure I would want a video of the fighting aggie band. I was never into the whole "tradition" thing at Aggieland. I was a loner remember?

Anyhow it was a much needed reassurance. Earlier in the day, I was conversing with my mentor via email at work............I remarked that if I had to do it over again that I'd "probably would have gone elsewhere." Quite a tearing feeling, even though I wasn't into the school spirit. Its there, but I wont express it by yells, a ring, a howdy or shit like that.

Quite "coincidentally", it came at a time when I've been down. I'm more down b/c I feel uncertain about my future: what I want to do for the rest of my life, that fact that I'll be single for the rest of my life, getting my commercial license, my unsettled back and numbness I'm experiencing, getting my masters, my impending surgery in December...........

I need a martini : )

I Love Your Look

I was walking gingerly from the parking lot to the building in which I work. My back is better but I have a numbness and lack of feeling in the right side of my right foot. Thank God there is no hurt involved.........I hurt plenty during my trip to KC. Only was it when I returned that I felt better.

Anyhow, I noticed a 1/2 ton truck pull up and a girl was outside of it getting her stuff. I saw the back of her, but I really didnt pay attention. I made my way up the red curb to the building where I always walk alongside newly planted shrub where the exposed watering system can be seen. As I walked, I noticed a few people approaching the doors from the far side, a couple of ladies I recall. Coming from my immediate left was an oriental girl; she seemed in a rush to get to the door. Maybe she was running late?

Either way, I was the last to enter the building. I made my way to the right of the fountain that is immediately inside the building, positioned in the center. I noticed that the ladies were already at the elevators waiting for one. The one to the far right closest to me opened up; we all got in.....me, the oriental, and two other ladies. I stayed near the buttons pressing for my 2nd floor, yet the doors were still open. As I looked up, I caught sight of the girl who had been getting down from the large gas guzzler just moments earlier. As she hurried near, I mad her face out, it was the beautiful young brunette that works above me. We had run into each other in the elevator before sharing eye contact every time. This time was no exception. I didnt smile at her but I did stare right into her eyes, as she did mine.

She entered the elevator and stood behind me, but while swinging herself around her bags hit my gym bag.

"Sorry" she said. "Hi, >>>>>>>>>>>>>>" for the the life of me I cant remember the name of the other girl in the elevator. They worked together.

"We work together in the same office; I've got so much stuff,"she went on to say at the other women in the elevator. It turns out that her and the oriental work together.

The elevator reached 2nd floor......I walked out gingerly, slowly. I got a slight limp in my stride, but I'm not entirely awkward.

There was silence as I stepped out whereas a second before there was much talking and laughing.

This girl is really good looking. She's a couple of inches shorter than me, lean, nicely shaped.....great smile.........desirable!

I had not noticed her b/c her husband as it turns out drives her to work in a different truck. Moreover, I had noticed recently that he was taking her to another location of town around the same time she would go to work. I got to thinking that maybe she got another job! Why not? A lot has happened since I've been away to KC.....three new neighbors, old ones gone without saying good-bye, dog eating better than ever, lots of mail, cat fights spurring up at the office all of a sudden, my back out of whack, my buddy back from the Orient, God being pissed at me................what else could be different? For the past day or two, I momentarilly got sad to know that I'd never see this beauty again. Even though she's married, it is always nice to look at a pretty face. I love when we make eye contact!

Today, as she entered the elevator that thought of her being away was gone! I was like, "things are not what they seem!" True, she still works there. Where she was being taken the previous few times over the past few days was beyond me. All I knew was they she and hubs were in a different part of town when it was time to be heading to work. Well, quite frankly they were up the road a few miles...........but as I said, things were not what they seemed.

One more thing, she divulged a ton of info in only a few seconds. She made it obvious to be noticed; she was dressed nice. In those few seconds, I learned 1)where she worked, 2) with who she worked, 3)another stare at me, 4) obvious contact with my stuff to make communication and 5) the flat out obviousness that she really didnt need to say anything but she made the effort to start conversation that divulged tons of info.

Rarely am I attracted to a girl...........Laura was one..........this is another. Two girls over the course of 8 years.

Interesting is attribute one! Things are never what they seem is another!

Sweetness

Who was the saint that said, "Those who desire to taste something sweet must not flee from what is bitter."

Kansas City

KC is a nice place........I was there for the past three weeks. I went there for training, and it was very interesting: the food, the people, change of scenery, a new casino added to my repertoire, a dose of unwanted humidity, and an unfortunate incident that happened after about a week that I was there.

The Food
I ate at all kinds of places.....it was great. From high-end, pretentious bistros (cheesecake pic)that offer little in the way of a menu to the working man's classic, pub-style restaurant to a family authentic Italian joint that did not spare one inch of wall space to only display everything Italian: musicians, playwrights, dramatists, artists, culture, cardinals of the Church..........I could go on and on. The food was great no matter which place we chose to eat. Granted, we did stop at an IHOP one Saturday night after our casino visit b/c we were starving. Quite frankly, nothing else was open @ 1 in the morning. Nevertheless, I enjoy food!! The above pics are of the fountains at the Plaza, a ritzy upscale neighborhood of high end restaurants, bars, and retail shops. The skyline pic is of Skies Restaurant atop the Hyatt Regency.

The People

I will never forget the folks I met at this trip. Never have I encountered such charisma and joy at such an outing. I met a lady named E and her buddy T.....we all sat next to each other in the back row of the class. I had the greatest time with them. These ladies happen to be from the upper Midwest. They were in the forties, but we had chemistry like no other. We couldn't stop laughing for nothing. We got along so well......I wouldn't be able to bring a writing to a close if I began writing about them. I will miss them like no other...........it depresses me to think of not seeing them again.

Then there was P and El. I spent most of my off time with these ladies. Again, they were much older than me, but they sure as hell didn't look it. P was a bit more firery, cynical at times. El was the most understanding, compassionate, humblest person I've come to know in a long time. We spent a lot of time together. We hung out eating, talking, walking through the Plaza, giving each other advice (me giving El tips of stocks and her giving me advise on getting married), advising each other on test material for class. They were my sisters for three weeks, and I always be so grateful for them, especially El.

Then I came to really know H about midway through my visit. I got such a kick out of him. He's very talkative and sharp. The bastard's sharp! Turns out, he comes from a long line of lawyers........the reason he didnt pursue it was b/c he didn't want to be like his family. This New Yorker moved out west for the work.....and something else. I forget. Anyway, he's a great guy that I hope to see again in the future.

My Accident
I threw my back out! It was a lazy Sunday @ the Marriot. I was laying down for 10 hours on a softass bed. Correction: the bed was fine but they placed a soft shell comforter on top of the mattress. All week, I was getting stiff in my back, but nothing that didnt go away by the next afternoon. Others told me the same. Anyway, a week into my visit I was lying around and sure enough I heard a small pop. I didn't feel different, but I did have an ominous feeling. Afterall, I've thrown it out before by twisting my torso with someone on top of me or by sleeping wrong (my mom once told me I sleep kind of crooked). Throwing out your back is no biggie, but you have to see a chiropractor within a day or two so as not to prolong your situation. Sunday night, I got up to walk, and I was stiff.

The next morning was excruciating! In fact the next 12 mornings were excruciating. I could barely walk, sit or fall asleep at night. Of course, when I got to work, I found a way to sit as to feel no pain and the E/T combo always took away the pain anyway. I was laughing, remember? They were a blessing to me........God forsaw my dilema and gave two angels to keep me company.

Well, it was difficult to see a chiro.......... b/c 1) I was in an unfamiliar place that I had never been to, 2) I was on foot with no efficient transportation, and 3) I had testing at work.....so it was very hard to see anyone.

Long story short.....I hooked up with two chiro's. The first charged me 400 bucks for two visits which did absolutely nothing for he was "gentle" and focused on accupuncture. Folks, the gentle method of realigning the spine is for grannies,,,,,,,,,get real. The second helped me exceedingly. In fact, he took me back to work a couple of times to spare me the cab fare. He was great, but again being in testing was difficult for he was closed so many times during the week.

I will not complain.............it was a great trip. I'm 90% back from my ordeal and am able to sit and sleep just fine. Walking is good too........just some numbness in my right foot which will receede in time. What hurt me was all the walking I endured with tremendous pain. This only makes it worse and prolongs healing b/c of muscle tension and inflammation.

The last couple of nights I was there were good for me. The pain was gone mostly, and I was able to go out with the ladies and H to drink and eat.

There is a reason for everything.
Well the last Thursday of class, and I was pain free. I would, we all would, be leaving Friday. I was up to par and went out to eat with El, P, and H at Tomfooleries. It was a nice little pub to eat or drink. It was just after five, and I was gonna drink. El didnt drink.....P had a magarita....H had his screwdriver (one of few) and I had my Mojito followed by a Long Island which was followed by two Appltinis. I was stoned.

The talk was good. We talked about everything from lousy instructors, to H's family, to the saints, God, yada yada. I'm honest and humble when I get to drinking.

Then somehow I got to thinking why my back went out on my "vacation".

"Everything happens for a reason," said H. "I have learned that everything happens for a reason."

"I think so too...." I responded. I immediately thought of my new job, L, my back........everything. "Quite frankly, had I not thrown my back out I would have been at a bar every night. Having to go with little sleep and getting up for work is nothing to me."

P and El just smile.

"Exactly, God was probably saying........'let's throw this guy's back out and......' " H went on to say.

I just laughed......... he was right. Things do happen for a reason. What caught my attention was his term "let's". It implies a group obviously. Why would a Jewish guy use God in the plural? It reminded me of the Trinity. The Father said in the begining....."Let us create him in our image." A little while later you have Adam! It touched my heart, but I didnt express it. Rarely do I!

I was happy! I was happy b/c my back was thrown out b/c God willed it. It dawned on me that it was meant to be..............I sound insane but its true. It was his will that my back go out. I hadn't really brought it on myself............it was meant to be. I just needed to hear someone else say it.......I need to be reassured at times. H was the man to deliver the good news even though what I had gone through was painful as hell. I remember being in my room early morning and biting on a towel b/c of the sensation until I mustered the force to walk out of the room. I was such a wimp!

"Afterall if we dont throw out his back, he'd be u know........" he continued while flaying his hands and arms. H used many facial expressions complemented by his hand gestures to communicate. He's so uninhibited and kind...........he's kewl!

He's right.....I would have been hitting on women and drinking lots. Its true! The women in the Midwest are beautiful. They are taller and leaner than what I'm used to seeing. Granted, I wouldn't have gone home with them........but afterall that I've been through in the past year, I would have enjoyed the company.

All things happen for a reason............... hopefully I'll be able to ask God one day. Not as a condition or him oweing me for that would be insane, but more as a curiosity for when I see him I would careless about what had happened in my life. I would just like to know how it was to fit all together.......u know?

But I still cant help but wonder............. ; - )