There it was .........again. That old ass bike tied up to the brown post outside my building. I see it all the time now-going into work, going out for lunch, going back in from lunch, going out to the house. Funny, in there year that I had been there, it never showed up until a couple of weeks ago. It brings back memories.............
I got out of the gym; I really wasn't into it. I'm benching 205 now with not so much effort, sets of 4. I'm getting stronger now that I'm working smarter than I was in high school. In high school, we had nine workouts over the course of a week. Two per day for four days and then one on Friday morning. Then again, high school coaches tend to want to toughen us up at any cost, and some sadly, don't know what they are doing. Oh well....
As I drove up, I decided to go get my mail. So I parked the truck and decided to get the walk in as opposed to drive to the mail boxes. As I approached the main office, I thought of what God would want for me........... Frankly, I give up.......... I looked up and noticed two squirrels atop of the wooden fence of a lower home. They were at the corner part of the fence where there was a large branch that was maybe a foot and a half from the corner top of the fence. Quite the launching pad.........if you're a squirrel. What was most impressionable was one, probably the male, was licking the face of the female, I suppose. Dont tell me the animal kingdom has gone gay!
I thought it cute. Two little squirrels "cuddling" with each other until the male noticed my approach and scrammed. Cute! In fact, it stopped me in my tracks. I closed my eyes and wished that I wouldn't be taunted in this way.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I Change My Mind
"No, I don't care about the stupid bikes."
"Oh come on, its for the soldiers. How can you be so ungrateful?" she said.
"It has nothing to do with the soldiers. I just could care less about a bunch of biker dudes trying to .........whatever they are trying to do. Besides, I'll go to Mass today and say prayer for them. Hah, beat that! " I shot back.
My mother just winced her face. She knew I had topped out on that argument. Of course I say this in the most humble way possible : - ) Me and mom, excuse my grammar, my mother and I are always goofing around. That's my family, sass and everything from brother to me to Dad to aunt to uncle to cousin to Grandmas...........we're all the same. The only who apologizes is probably my Mother.
I love mom, but she tends to take things a bit out of context quite often. She uses too much feel when deciding intellectual things, even if they aren't complicated. Come on ma', don't read too much into everything!
We continued past the memorial back in my hometown. We made our way back to her house, my home that I grew up in. It was the last day I was gonna be with her until I returned back to my town in which I reside. Its good to be with the folks for a while; I appreciate it a bit more now than I have or had in the past.
All weekend long, we talked about stuff from my surgery to moving, to buying a house for myself to finishing my flying, to bathing Nash to feeding him without breaking my wallet, to talking behind my brother's back to not admonishing me in front of public......we have come to be more comfortable with each other. I always wasn't comfortable with mom although I've always loved her. She once was being a mom when I thought she stabbed me in the back. I must admit; it was tough to trust her for the past 10 years. However, slowly I have come to give her another chance.
We got home. I ran out to do a few errands that I didn't want her to particularly take part in. Nothing to do with trust, but I can do more without someone with me at times. So I ran my errands. I came back home, and she gave me instructions to take some stuff to my grandmothers with the help of my bro. Fine, no biggie. After my fulfilled my order to my mother, I decided to come on back to my place.
As sure as it goes, it comes back to me. The dark cloud that has hovered over my head since January. It hit me. This time I didn't feel down, or sad, or lonely, or depressed, or hopeless..........but embarrassed. I felt embarrassed! As I write this I cannot remember why. It was only a day or so ago, but all I can remember is feeling embarrassed over my whole ordeal. I couldn't shake it. I felt awkward for some reason and didn't want to do anything.
I fought the urge, arrived at my apartment, and changed into my gym clothes. I rode to Gold's, but the place was shut down for Memorial Day. Swell! I really wanted to do my back workout. Damn!
I had planned to go Mass, but I decided not too for the feelings I had just developed earlier that afternoon. So I went back to my place and decided to play a little XBox. Texas A&M versus Tennessee Vols! It was fun; I always struggle playing them. That team really tries my playing ability.
So I sat there knowing that 5:30 would roll around and I'd wouldn't be at Mass. I felt guilty for I knew I should go and pay homage, yet I felt so embarrassed having put the Deity in a horrible position. I decided to play XBox. Why not? Thousands of us never go to Mass on Sunday, much less on a weekday as I had planned. I wasn't mad at God; I was just feeling a sense of embarrassment. The embarrassment of thinking too much and doubting God in the near past. I felt crappy, but not at all pissed or crabby toward him.
A break is good right? After all, he probably laughs at my dumb ass when I walk into chapel.
So there I was playing my XBox. The game was good; it was early on. At 5:14, I get a call.....
"Hello?"
"Hey, what are you doing?" Its my mother!
"Just here at my apartment.........I got in about a couple of hours ago." I said.
"What time are your services tonight?"
"They are at 5:30."
"Okay, well I'm glad you got there okay. I don't want to keep you because I know you have to get going soon"
"Thanks Mom, I'll talk to you later, bye."
I had to swallow a few times. Here I was feeling yet another emotion from all the ones I've experienced so much in the past few months. I felt humble, yet inspired. I really didn't feel embarrassed from this point on. I felt ..............confident. I felt there was no need,,,,ever,,,,,,,,to feel embarrassed in approaching God.
Coincidence? Impeccable timing? Chance? Big bang theory? Does anyone give a rat?
This confirms my wavering theory of God's timing as opposed to mere happenstance. A single phone call was my wake-up call. That call woke my senses up and got me to go to Mass. There are no coincidences........whatever I'm experiencing is intentional, planned, non-coincidental. This must happen!
I recall Darrell Waltrip's comment on Fox the other day just prior to the Coca Cola 600. By the way, I did attend the '99 Coca Cola 600. Anyway, he mentioned that the length of the race "would test the relationship between driver and crew chief."
I thought of myself. Am I being tested? Maybe, maybe not. Usually, as the good book has shown, God tests man prior to a major transition.
I wonder............
"Oh come on, its for the soldiers. How can you be so ungrateful?" she said.
"It has nothing to do with the soldiers. I just could care less about a bunch of biker dudes trying to .........whatever they are trying to do. Besides, I'll go to Mass today and say prayer for them. Hah, beat that! " I shot back.
My mother just winced her face. She knew I had topped out on that argument. Of course I say this in the most humble way possible : - ) Me and mom, excuse my grammar, my mother and I are always goofing around. That's my family, sass and everything from brother to me to Dad to aunt to uncle to cousin to Grandmas...........we're all the same. The only who apologizes is probably my Mother.
I love mom, but she tends to take things a bit out of context quite often. She uses too much feel when deciding intellectual things, even if they aren't complicated. Come on ma', don't read too much into everything!
We continued past the memorial back in my hometown. We made our way back to her house, my home that I grew up in. It was the last day I was gonna be with her until I returned back to my town in which I reside. Its good to be with the folks for a while; I appreciate it a bit more now than I have or had in the past.
All weekend long, we talked about stuff from my surgery to moving, to buying a house for myself to finishing my flying, to bathing Nash to feeding him without breaking my wallet, to talking behind my brother's back to not admonishing me in front of public......we have come to be more comfortable with each other. I always wasn't comfortable with mom although I've always loved her. She once was being a mom when I thought she stabbed me in the back. I must admit; it was tough to trust her for the past 10 years. However, slowly I have come to give her another chance.
We got home. I ran out to do a few errands that I didn't want her to particularly take part in. Nothing to do with trust, but I can do more without someone with me at times. So I ran my errands. I came back home, and she gave me instructions to take some stuff to my grandmothers with the help of my bro. Fine, no biggie. After my fulfilled my order to my mother, I decided to come on back to my place.
As sure as it goes, it comes back to me. The dark cloud that has hovered over my head since January. It hit me. This time I didn't feel down, or sad, or lonely, or depressed, or hopeless..........but embarrassed. I felt embarrassed! As I write this I cannot remember why. It was only a day or so ago, but all I can remember is feeling embarrassed over my whole ordeal. I couldn't shake it. I felt awkward for some reason and didn't want to do anything.
I fought the urge, arrived at my apartment, and changed into my gym clothes. I rode to Gold's, but the place was shut down for Memorial Day. Swell! I really wanted to do my back workout. Damn!
I had planned to go Mass, but I decided not too for the feelings I had just developed earlier that afternoon. So I went back to my place and decided to play a little XBox. Texas A&M versus Tennessee Vols! It was fun; I always struggle playing them. That team really tries my playing ability.
So I sat there knowing that 5:30 would roll around and I'd wouldn't be at Mass. I felt guilty for I knew I should go and pay homage, yet I felt so embarrassed having put the Deity in a horrible position. I decided to play XBox. Why not? Thousands of us never go to Mass on Sunday, much less on a weekday as I had planned. I wasn't mad at God; I was just feeling a sense of embarrassment. The embarrassment of thinking too much and doubting God in the near past. I felt crappy, but not at all pissed or crabby toward him.
A break is good right? After all, he probably laughs at my dumb ass when I walk into chapel.
So there I was playing my XBox. The game was good; it was early on. At 5:14, I get a call.....
"Hello?"
"Hey, what are you doing?" Its my mother!
"Just here at my apartment.........I got in about a couple of hours ago." I said.
"What time are your services tonight?"
"They are at 5:30."
"Okay, well I'm glad you got there okay. I don't want to keep you because I know you have to get going soon"
"Thanks Mom, I'll talk to you later, bye."
I had to swallow a few times. Here I was feeling yet another emotion from all the ones I've experienced so much in the past few months. I felt humble, yet inspired. I really didn't feel embarrassed from this point on. I felt ..............confident. I felt there was no need,,,,ever,,,,,,,,to feel embarrassed in approaching God.
Coincidence? Impeccable timing? Chance? Big bang theory? Does anyone give a rat?
This confirms my wavering theory of God's timing as opposed to mere happenstance. A single phone call was my wake-up call. That call woke my senses up and got me to go to Mass. There are no coincidences........whatever I'm experiencing is intentional, planned, non-coincidental. This must happen!
I recall Darrell Waltrip's comment on Fox the other day just prior to the Coca Cola 600. By the way, I did attend the '99 Coca Cola 600. Anyway, he mentioned that the length of the race "would test the relationship between driver and crew chief."
I thought of myself. Am I being tested? Maybe, maybe not. Usually, as the good book has shown, God tests man prior to a major transition.
I wonder............
Before Christ Our Lord
As I knelt there below the statue of the Virgin Mary, I prayed for peace. I had the whole chapel to myself; I loved the silence and serenity. I prayed for peace whether it be by the granting of my desire or the abolishment of it from both heart and mind.
I NEVER USED TO PRAY. I GREW UP KNOWING COMMANDMENTS AND SERVING THROUGH WORK, BUT NEVER DID I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER. I ALWAYS THOUGHT "SPIRITUALITY" WAS OVERRATED. YOU TRUST IN GOD BY DOING WHAT HE SAYS AND NOT DOING WHAT HE CONDEMNS. I'VE COME TO FIND OUT THAT THERE IS MORE TO THE PICTURE, THE BIG PICTURE. GOD IS MORE THAN A DIETY OF LAWS AND WORKS, BUT HE'S ALSO FATHERLY IN DESIRING COMMUNICATION BETWEEN HIM AND HIS CHILDREN.
As I struggled to pray my rosary, I had this vision in my head........ There I was kneeling down on one knee. Everything around me was white. There was nothing else present. My back was arched forward and my face was starring at the floor. I was small. I was basically crumpled over as if in a shell. I see then see myself pick up my head......I was smiling and my face looked joyful. I looked young............I stepped up and opened my arms wide as if to embrace someone. I then see Christ before me. It was HE that I was to embrace. He hugs me back. My vision ends........
As I said in my profile, there are no lies here. This is no exception. I wonder if this scene will come to fulfillment? I hope it does. In fact, the reason why it ended was because I began to tear up. I momentarily had to stop praying.
What has gone on since the end of January is beyond me!!!
I NEVER USED TO PRAY. I GREW UP KNOWING COMMANDMENTS AND SERVING THROUGH WORK, BUT NEVER DID I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER. I ALWAYS THOUGHT "SPIRITUALITY" WAS OVERRATED. YOU TRUST IN GOD BY DOING WHAT HE SAYS AND NOT DOING WHAT HE CONDEMNS. I'VE COME TO FIND OUT THAT THERE IS MORE TO THE PICTURE, THE BIG PICTURE. GOD IS MORE THAN A DIETY OF LAWS AND WORKS, BUT HE'S ALSO FATHERLY IN DESIRING COMMUNICATION BETWEEN HIM AND HIS CHILDREN.
As I struggled to pray my rosary, I had this vision in my head........ There I was kneeling down on one knee. Everything around me was white. There was nothing else present. My back was arched forward and my face was starring at the floor. I was small. I was basically crumpled over as if in a shell. I see then see myself pick up my head......I was smiling and my face looked joyful. I looked young............I stepped up and opened my arms wide as if to embrace someone. I then see Christ before me. It was HE that I was to embrace. He hugs me back. My vision ends........
As I said in my profile, there are no lies here. This is no exception. I wonder if this scene will come to fulfillment? I hope it does. In fact, the reason why it ended was because I began to tear up. I momentarily had to stop praying.
What has gone on since the end of January is beyond me!!!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Husband's Stance
This past Friday, I had attended the graduation of my former school that I had worked for. In fact, it was exactly a year since I stopped working for them. I had finished graduation night in '06, went to Chili's with friends, and then put in my last day on Saturday with a teacher in-service. I enjoyed it and plan on returning to teaching again when I retire or something. Who knows what my future holds........
The grads were making their way out of the place. I stood there just waiting for some traffic to clear. I had been sitting with Birthday Girl (remember her from Nature Picks?). She had worked there also but no longer does. I enjoyed being with her that evening; she's a class act and a fun person to be with at the same time. Anyhow, she was quick to leave......... she seemed a bit hurried to get back home. Maybe it was her kids, her boyfriend, or maybe.............
As I walked to the back of the convention room, my good buddy J came from behind me. He had sat on stage announcing names. During his seating up there, I decided to text message his phone for the sole purpose of having him reach for the damn thing when it went off like crazy. I was betting he didn't put it on vibrate. I'm such an ass! As Providence would have it, he had it on vibrate; no awkward moments for him!
Then I noticed my friend "A" sitting next to him..........I decided to text her and hoped for a different outcome.........to no avail.
"Hey bro, hows it going?" asked J.
"I'm good," I said.
"Did you come alone?" he asked.
"Yeah...........I thought I'd come see some of my kids for the last time. I saw BG and decided to sit with her."
He made a face at me. He's always tried to psychoanalyze me for the past three years or for however long I've known him. More and more, I notice that he kind of enjoys the irony between us. He seems to be a bit condescending to me at times with his comments, but I guess I deserve it. He knows that I don't have a girlfriend or hardly date, nonetheless. His eyes light up when I mention a lady friend of mine, like I've never talked to girls before............ His girlfriend kinda hinted at me, maybe, that I was gay. Sister, take a number! A few people think I'm gay. I'm single, fit, financially sound (not rich, but okay), live alone, never seen with chicks unless in a group, very private w/ exception of this blog...............there ya go.
I can't help what others think.
As we made our way to the back, he told me that he was going home, and I was welcomed to go drink some brew with him. I told him that I would stop by later after I said my hi's and good-bye's. As he went on, I followed behind albeit walking a bit slower. I noticed JA; oh my gosh, her hair grew. She was a Math teacher who had quit the education biz at the same time I did. It had been a year since I had talked to her. She wore glasses this time around........she was very pleasing to the eye.
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good," I said, "just hanging in there."
"So how are you liking your job? Are you still working there? Have you got it down yet?"
"Well.......yeah its okay. I don't have as much fun as teaching but it has its perks. It takes a good 3 to 5 years to learn it really well......so............its good. I'm hoping to transfer to another department one day which will probably take me to another part of the state. Its good!" I explained with a smile.
"But, are you liking it?"
"Well yeah, I enjoy it. But enough about me.......what have you been up to?" I answered and then asked.
"Well, right now I'm doing .....................(I cant remember what she said, it was loud)."
As she went on talking, I noticed her pupils were large for her face was only inches from mine. Her eyes were wide open, and she hardly had blinked. She had a small grin on her face; I honestly was a bit uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable b/c she was a good person with a great husband. I knew him, and he knew me. He was standing three feet away from us. We had shook hands before me and his wife began our little talk.
As I nodded my head in agreement ........u know what I mean.....I turned and looked at her husband. His once shining smile as we greeted each other had turned in a serious look of concern. His look was at his wife, not at me. I was uncomfortable as I turned back to see his wife. Again, I smiled and nodded........replied a bit here and there.
As things were gonna get out of hand, I think, "A" joined the conversation with her quaky comments. "A" is an adorable person with kind heart; she'd practically do anything for anybody. She began talking and then began her walk toward the back doors from where we were at. We all followed her out to the lobby. There we were in a group.......standing there and greeting the grads as they left. I got to see K one last time. She was the valedictorian of the class. We chit chatted........she's undecided as far as going to UT or TAMU. We said our good-bye's, and she made her way out the exit from the center. "Enjoy College Station," I said. She turned and smiled at me. I saw her walk away. She was a great kid and will make a fine Aggie some day. K, make me proud!
Within the next 30 minutes, I said my good-bye's, scolded/encouraged a few dropouts that had showed up, hugged a few who needed a hug, and gave time to old cohorts that I'll always remember. As I walked out, there was the group again...JA, her hubs, A, and her parents. I stepped up to the group as they were in conversation.
"Come eat with us." JA told me.
"I'm not so sure; I told J I was gonna go over to his place and drink a few."
At this point, hubby stood right in between us. He literally stood in the way to the point where I had to lean forward and around him to see his wife. As I continued to talk to her, I noticed that he didn't let up as far as stepping back a step or two. There he stood with his chest and stomach puffed out, looking straight forward toward the street. This cemented the idea in my head that I had earlier when I was talking to his wife inside the convention center. He honestly thought there was something, or the potential for something, between his wife and me.
A lot of it was the look on her face when I first started talking with her.......the large eyes, the grin as I was talking to her, the blank stare at me, the nearness/closeness of her body toward mine. Now that I write this, I can now see why he was guarding his territory. Not to speak of women as property, but men are inherently trying to defend their own: land, country, children, wife, pride, money, beer, dog etc. Ladies, please, don't take it in a bad light. A man's woman is highly valued and therefore will get the attention that his ...................... would. : - )
In the years that I've known her, she had never done that. Could it be that I lost a few pounds? Could it be that I was more laid back and all smiles with her b/c of the mere fact that we were at a social event and not working? Maybe it was a combination of the three? I know I didn't compliment her on her hair for someone had done that before I could. Could it be the looking into her eyes that I gave her? I wasn't trying to pull her toward me with that, but she was so close to me that I had nothing else to look at. Only her and God know the truth and what happened!
That damn stare again. The best way to get a girl's attention and get her to converse with you is to start with the look. Granted, money, looks, body, and even .................... will keep her with you, but its all in the look at the very beginning.
Night
The grads were making their way out of the place. I stood there just waiting for some traffic to clear. I had been sitting with Birthday Girl (remember her from Nature Picks?). She had worked there also but no longer does. I enjoyed being with her that evening; she's a class act and a fun person to be with at the same time. Anyhow, she was quick to leave......... she seemed a bit hurried to get back home. Maybe it was her kids, her boyfriend, or maybe.............
As I walked to the back of the convention room, my good buddy J came from behind me. He had sat on stage announcing names. During his seating up there, I decided to text message his phone for the sole purpose of having him reach for the damn thing when it went off like crazy. I was betting he didn't put it on vibrate. I'm such an ass! As Providence would have it, he had it on vibrate; no awkward moments for him!
Then I noticed my friend "A" sitting next to him..........I decided to text her and hoped for a different outcome.........to no avail.
"Hey bro, hows it going?" asked J.
"I'm good," I said.
"Did you come alone?" he asked.
"Yeah...........I thought I'd come see some of my kids for the last time. I saw BG and decided to sit with her."
He made a face at me. He's always tried to psychoanalyze me for the past three years or for however long I've known him. More and more, I notice that he kind of enjoys the irony between us. He seems to be a bit condescending to me at times with his comments, but I guess I deserve it. He knows that I don't have a girlfriend or hardly date, nonetheless. His eyes light up when I mention a lady friend of mine, like I've never talked to girls before............ His girlfriend kinda hinted at me, maybe, that I was gay. Sister, take a number! A few people think I'm gay. I'm single, fit, financially sound (not rich, but okay), live alone, never seen with chicks unless in a group, very private w/ exception of this blog...............there ya go.
I can't help what others think.
As we made our way to the back, he told me that he was going home, and I was welcomed to go drink some brew with him. I told him that I would stop by later after I said my hi's and good-bye's. As he went on, I followed behind albeit walking a bit slower. I noticed JA; oh my gosh, her hair grew. She was a Math teacher who had quit the education biz at the same time I did. It had been a year since I had talked to her. She wore glasses this time around........she was very pleasing to the eye.
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good," I said, "just hanging in there."
"So how are you liking your job? Are you still working there? Have you got it down yet?"
"Well.......yeah its okay. I don't have as much fun as teaching but it has its perks. It takes a good 3 to 5 years to learn it really well......so............its good. I'm hoping to transfer to another department one day which will probably take me to another part of the state. Its good!" I explained with a smile.
"But, are you liking it?"
"Well yeah, I enjoy it. But enough about me.......what have you been up to?" I answered and then asked.
"Well, right now I'm doing .....................(I cant remember what she said, it was loud)."
As she went on talking, I noticed her pupils were large for her face was only inches from mine. Her eyes were wide open, and she hardly had blinked. She had a small grin on her face; I honestly was a bit uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable b/c she was a good person with a great husband. I knew him, and he knew me. He was standing three feet away from us. We had shook hands before me and his wife began our little talk.
As I nodded my head in agreement ........u know what I mean.....I turned and looked at her husband. His once shining smile as we greeted each other had turned in a serious look of concern. His look was at his wife, not at me. I was uncomfortable as I turned back to see his wife. Again, I smiled and nodded........replied a bit here and there.
As things were gonna get out of hand, I think, "A" joined the conversation with her quaky comments. "A" is an adorable person with kind heart; she'd practically do anything for anybody. She began talking and then began her walk toward the back doors from where we were at. We all followed her out to the lobby. There we were in a group.......standing there and greeting the grads as they left. I got to see K one last time. She was the valedictorian of the class. We chit chatted........she's undecided as far as going to UT or TAMU. We said our good-bye's, and she made her way out the exit from the center. "Enjoy College Station," I said. She turned and smiled at me. I saw her walk away. She was a great kid and will make a fine Aggie some day. K, make me proud!
Within the next 30 minutes, I said my good-bye's, scolded/encouraged a few dropouts that had showed up, hugged a few who needed a hug, and gave time to old cohorts that I'll always remember. As I walked out, there was the group again...JA, her hubs, A, and her parents. I stepped up to the group as they were in conversation.
"Come eat with us." JA told me.
"I'm not so sure; I told J I was gonna go over to his place and drink a few."
At this point, hubby stood right in between us. He literally stood in the way to the point where I had to lean forward and around him to see his wife. As I continued to talk to her, I noticed that he didn't let up as far as stepping back a step or two. There he stood with his chest and stomach puffed out, looking straight forward toward the street. This cemented the idea in my head that I had earlier when I was talking to his wife inside the convention center. He honestly thought there was something, or the potential for something, between his wife and me.
A lot of it was the look on her face when I first started talking with her.......the large eyes, the grin as I was talking to her, the blank stare at me, the nearness/closeness of her body toward mine. Now that I write this, I can now see why he was guarding his territory. Not to speak of women as property, but men are inherently trying to defend their own: land, country, children, wife, pride, money, beer, dog etc. Ladies, please, don't take it in a bad light. A man's woman is highly valued and therefore will get the attention that his ...................... would. : - )
In the years that I've known her, she had never done that. Could it be that I lost a few pounds? Could it be that I was more laid back and all smiles with her b/c of the mere fact that we were at a social event and not working? Maybe it was a combination of the three? I know I didn't compliment her on her hair for someone had done that before I could. Could it be the looking into her eyes that I gave her? I wasn't trying to pull her toward me with that, but she was so close to me that I had nothing else to look at. Only her and God know the truth and what happened!
That damn stare again. The best way to get a girl's attention and get her to converse with you is to start with the look. Granted, money, looks, body, and even .................... will keep her with you, but its all in the look at the very beginning.
Night
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Swimmers Sticker
Driving home from work; I felt a bit down. I wasn't sure if it was because of the overeating I've enjoyed this week or the fact that its hot outside. Anyway.......
I stop at a red light. As I'm waiting, I notice to my left, a swimmer's sticker promoting ......I forget. It was on a SUV; there are lots of SUVs in this oil rich town. It was for some girl in high school. Go figure! It was promoting Case...............whatever that is. The arrow shines, and gas guzzler leaves. Then the next guzzler behind it follows, and I notice a Texas A&M sticker.
Oh my God!
I stop at a red light. As I'm waiting, I notice to my left, a swimmer's sticker promoting ......I forget. It was on a SUV; there are lots of SUVs in this oil rich town. It was for some girl in high school. Go figure! It was promoting Case...............whatever that is. The arrow shines, and gas guzzler leaves. Then the next guzzler behind it follows, and I notice a Texas A&M sticker.
Oh my God!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Peeves
Thought I'd lighten up the mood today.....so here some entertaining things that get on my friggin' nerves yet make me laugh soon after, especially number 3.
I. People don't seem to read anymore; they'd rather have someone else explain it to them.
II. When your ass gets a call on your cell during a ceremony that calls for attention and silence, don't pull it out and take the time to look at the ID BEFORE you go silent. You've already screwed up by not shutting it off. Shut the plucker off and then look at the ID. IDIOTS!!!
III. Sometimes I go to Mass early so I'm like the 5th person there. Within a few minutes, I lie not, someone has to come and sit directly behind me. The church I attend is huge; it's four benches in length and can easily fit a thousand people. I guess that isn't enough room for some people. Anyway, this one family, particularly the mother who leads and picks the pew, always does this shit; I think she likes me. Swell!! I know what ur thinking....I've sat in different pews and still...........give me a break lady! OR One time, actually many times, I was at Whataburger and had most of the place to myself. 80% of the place is seatable from tables to booths to window seats. An older couple was behind me waiting to order, so as soon as I get my order in I go sit at the window seat. No lie, I hear a person walking closer and closer to me. I turn my head, and it's the old lady that was behind me in line. Guess where she sits? Guess? Come on, try, I know its a tough question? She friggin sits next to me! To my immediate left, hell you could have reached out my arm and I'd touch her! There are like 40 seats open in the place and she sits in the booth next to me. I was so irritated that I didn't make eye contact and smile. Moments later the old man arrives, and he begins talking to his wife.....yada yada yada,,,I hear him lower his voice and ask, "Why did you pick the seat so close to him?" "No shit," I thought.
IV. I often am introduced to people, especially older ladies who bug me. Ever get so much attention that you feel uncomfy? It doesn't happen often, mind you. However, certain people get too friendly too quick that get on your nerves and begin touching you as if you were old friends or lovers. I hate when someone touches me by the hips even if they're just trying to squeak by. That really pisses me off! I feel violated! "Sweetheart, if you wanna touch someone, touch yourself!"
V. Quit bitchin' about the war! Bush is not Adolf Hilter! Get over it, folks!
VI. Guys who get chicks pregnant without giving her the ring first. I once had a coach, God rest his soul, who told me when I was in the 7th grade that "what seems to be a fly can actually turn out to be a weed." He was talking about pussy! He was totally right! It served me well! I saw a girl in the gym today. I remember her from last year when she joined the place. She was young, thin, and cute. It had been months since I'd seen her until this past Monday. She's pregnant now. I hate seeing this shit. Not to be judgemental but some folks just don't understand how having babies so young can set you way back giving you little chance of getting ahead in life. Procreation is fine. Just wait until you're 30! Guys are the worst, sorry to say.
VII. Women opening their legs to guys who "love" them. Come on!
VIII. Getting married before you're 30! Read divorce statistics......all truth here baby!
IX. Heretical Catholics
X. Nash,,,,,,,when he was younger : - )
XI. Coworkers with double standards
XII. Miller beer, that shit sucks!
XIII. University of Texas and the Sooners.......Go Aggies, Trojans, Irish, Gators, Bulldogs, and whoever puts the meat to UT. You knew this was bound to come up.
XIV. Parents who let their kids do whatever the Hell they want.
XV. Assholes,,,,,,,,like me ; - )
I. People don't seem to read anymore; they'd rather have someone else explain it to them.
II. When your ass gets a call on your cell during a ceremony that calls for attention and silence, don't pull it out and take the time to look at the ID BEFORE you go silent. You've already screwed up by not shutting it off. Shut the plucker off and then look at the ID. IDIOTS!!!
III. Sometimes I go to Mass early so I'm like the 5th person there. Within a few minutes, I lie not, someone has to come and sit directly behind me. The church I attend is huge; it's four benches in length and can easily fit a thousand people. I guess that isn't enough room for some people. Anyway, this one family, particularly the mother who leads and picks the pew, always does this shit; I think she likes me. Swell!! I know what ur thinking....I've sat in different pews and still...........give me a break lady! OR One time, actually many times, I was at Whataburger and had most of the place to myself. 80% of the place is seatable from tables to booths to window seats. An older couple was behind me waiting to order, so as soon as I get my order in I go sit at the window seat. No lie, I hear a person walking closer and closer to me. I turn my head, and it's the old lady that was behind me in line. Guess where she sits? Guess? Come on, try, I know its a tough question? She friggin sits next to me! To my immediate left, hell you could have reached out my arm and I'd touch her! There are like 40 seats open in the place and she sits in the booth next to me. I was so irritated that I didn't make eye contact and smile. Moments later the old man arrives, and he begins talking to his wife.....yada yada yada,,,I hear him lower his voice and ask, "Why did you pick the seat so close to him?" "No shit," I thought.
IV. I often am introduced to people, especially older ladies who bug me. Ever get so much attention that you feel uncomfy? It doesn't happen often, mind you. However, certain people get too friendly too quick that get on your nerves and begin touching you as if you were old friends or lovers. I hate when someone touches me by the hips even if they're just trying to squeak by. That really pisses me off! I feel violated! "Sweetheart, if you wanna touch someone, touch yourself!"
V. Quit bitchin' about the war! Bush is not Adolf Hilter! Get over it, folks!
VI. Guys who get chicks pregnant without giving her the ring first. I once had a coach, God rest his soul, who told me when I was in the 7th grade that "what seems to be a fly can actually turn out to be a weed." He was talking about pussy! He was totally right! It served me well! I saw a girl in the gym today. I remember her from last year when she joined the place. She was young, thin, and cute. It had been months since I'd seen her until this past Monday. She's pregnant now. I hate seeing this shit. Not to be judgemental but some folks just don't understand how having babies so young can set you way back giving you little chance of getting ahead in life. Procreation is fine. Just wait until you're 30! Guys are the worst, sorry to say.
VII. Women opening their legs to guys who "love" them. Come on!
VIII. Getting married before you're 30! Read divorce statistics......all truth here baby!
IX. Heretical Catholics
X. Nash,,,,,,,when he was younger : - )
XI. Coworkers with double standards
XII. Miller beer, that shit sucks!
XIII. University of Texas and the Sooners.......Go Aggies, Trojans, Irish, Gators, Bulldogs, and whoever puts the meat to UT. You knew this was bound to come up.
XIV. Parents who let their kids do whatever the Hell they want.
XV. Assholes,,,,,,,,like me ; - )
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The Bounce
As opposed to yesterday, I woke up a bit later than I wanted. I slept on the floor no less which have made me wake up earlier like yesterday. I find my mattress too deflated for whatever reason. I know what your thinking........its not that.
I had a bounce in my step all day. I got to meet some very high officials today that weren't in my area of work, but I learned after our brief conversation that I could easily move under someone else's wing if you can catch my drift ; - ). In my future, I can see a bigger paycheck. I'd probably have to move to East Texas; though, I have NO problem with that.
A steady day,, as always I began it compared to my cohorts who usually lag a bit in the morning time. I was at peace; this was the first thing I noticed. I asked for it and I got it! Boo Ya!
I pull up a screen and there it is.......that birthday. That date seems to get in my face from time to time especially when I need it the most.
I finish a case with 5 minutes to go until my lunch time. Is God smiling at me or what? Peace, new prospects, smiling ladies, laughter my unintended joke (don't you just love those!), and heading to lunch on time, what a beautiful morning.
Dairy Queen near my building got a much improved face lift, or shall I say an interesting lift! The interior looks very contemporary: dropped fixtures, bar chairs and tables, reclining sofa style benches........good job new management! I noticed the new manager too. She's nice.
As I admired the work put into the place, I thought of my dream of having my own nightclub some day. I think I know how to do it; I've seen some fine bars in my day. One only needs to walk the ways of the Belagio or MGM Grand or Venetian to get a sense of the big time. High class attracts high dollar.
So there I was smiling and admiring the place, waiting on my steak fingers. To my right I notice a family walking up. I notice their little girl; she was a beautiful child. This precocious 5 yr old carried herself as if she was a teen. I would love to have a little girl. If I have a boy, he'll probably be too much like me........oh God no. The Deity can only handle one of me in his lifetime.
I get a bling bling on my phone. As I struggle not to drop my phone into the cup of gravy, I notice that it's J! She actually texted me today; she made no explanations other than the fact that she was fine. Thank God, I was worrying about her the past couple of days. Very nice! Chicago, we have contact!
Afternoon, it ended great with a recommendation to my boss. It was a nice day at work. Funny how the good times go by so fast.
I actually paid attention at Mass. Solace......it was nice. Rosary went well too. Afterwards I would go buy one b/c I keep losing mine throughout the years. The one I wanted was a mahogany, almost a grape color of wood. It looked old, antiquated---I wanted it. It was 40 bucks. I opted for the greyish metallic--16 bucks. The smile I got from the blonde at the counter--priceless!
I had a bounce in my step all day. I got to meet some very high officials today that weren't in my area of work, but I learned after our brief conversation that I could easily move under someone else's wing if you can catch my drift ; - ). In my future, I can see a bigger paycheck. I'd probably have to move to East Texas; though, I have NO problem with that.
A steady day,, as always I began it compared to my cohorts who usually lag a bit in the morning time. I was at peace; this was the first thing I noticed. I asked for it and I got it! Boo Ya!
I pull up a screen and there it is.......that birthday. That date seems to get in my face from time to time especially when I need it the most.
I finish a case with 5 minutes to go until my lunch time. Is God smiling at me or what? Peace, new prospects, smiling ladies, laughter my unintended joke (don't you just love those!), and heading to lunch on time, what a beautiful morning.
Dairy Queen near my building got a much improved face lift, or shall I say an interesting lift! The interior looks very contemporary: dropped fixtures, bar chairs and tables, reclining sofa style benches........good job new management! I noticed the new manager too. She's nice.
As I admired the work put into the place, I thought of my dream of having my own nightclub some day. I think I know how to do it; I've seen some fine bars in my day. One only needs to walk the ways of the Belagio or MGM Grand or Venetian to get a sense of the big time. High class attracts high dollar.
So there I was smiling and admiring the place, waiting on my steak fingers. To my right I notice a family walking up. I notice their little girl; she was a beautiful child. This precocious 5 yr old carried herself as if she was a teen. I would love to have a little girl. If I have a boy, he'll probably be too much like me........oh God no. The Deity can only handle one of me in his lifetime.
I get a bling bling on my phone. As I struggle not to drop my phone into the cup of gravy, I notice that it's J! She actually texted me today; she made no explanations other than the fact that she was fine. Thank God, I was worrying about her the past couple of days. Very nice! Chicago, we have contact!
Afternoon, it ended great with a recommendation to my boss. It was a nice day at work. Funny how the good times go by so fast.
I actually paid attention at Mass. Solace......it was nice. Rosary went well too. Afterwards I would go buy one b/c I keep losing mine throughout the years. The one I wanted was a mahogany, almost a grape color of wood. It looked old, antiquated---I wanted it. It was 40 bucks. I opted for the greyish metallic--16 bucks. The smile I got from the blonde at the counter--priceless!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Humility
I was humbled today. However, the world never sees my inner pain. Like I said in my profile, rarely does it come to light what goes on in my head or in my heart. I have two close friends who know my dilemma; I'd do anything for them. I trust them.
It first began with waking up this morning; it was only 4:30AM. My mind wont rest, and I was wide awake. The thought of her haunted me. I laid there talking to God, pleading, for me to release my thoughts and feelings for her. I laid there not wanting to get up. If only I could fall asleep, the pain would go, at least momentarily. I got up to take my shower an hour and a half earlier than usual.
I was in the shower this morning thinking about her. It saddened me to know what I know of her. Never having touched her or kissed her, I feel such an emotional attachment. Please don't ask me why. I have no idea. I soon finished and sat on the couch watching TV. The ever so light gray color could be seen between my shades leading out to the balcony.
I got up and put my slacks and plum shirt on. I knew it was going to be a tough day: going to work on a Monday, thinking and thinking, going to workout, getting a quote on my up coming surgery, saying a Rosary that I always struggle to pray, the agony of thinking of her all day long, etc. I made my way out the door, started the truck and noticed that I was gonna run out of gas if I didn't get my ass to the 7-11!
As I turned up the radio, the DJ said her name. I was shocked! It gave me a moment of joy. She had been referring to someone else of course, but when I'm at my most vulnerable, something like this happens. As I backed out and drove out of the complex, I made my way to Mass that morning. I had to go! I was too devastated not to. I.......I don't know. I wonder at times...........
I arrived at Mass. There we were, all 25 of us. Another girl, sitting to the far left hand corner of the chapel, and I were the youngest in there by 35 years with no problem. It seems as if I skipped an entire 25 years of my life at times, going from my teens to my 50's in no time. Most people mistake me for my 30's whether it be work, distant family, friends, new acquaintances, etc. I'd rather be a kid again!
I sat there, stood there, knelt there. I could only think of her. Please forgive me. I sat there leaning my elbows on my thighs just thinking and reminiscing.
I left to work while calling my friend J. She's mad at me! I don't blame her; I'm a pain in her "fucking ass" as she would say. She's from Chicago; she's a lot tougher than WW ; - )
I got to work to see my mentor eating a burrito. Nothing brightens my day more than this woman; she is like a mother to me. I love her! Sassy, sharp, charismatic, and very easy going,,,,,do you guys see a pattern with me?
I went through my day and thank God it was steady. Too much time with nothing to do is hazardous to my intellect, my heart, and my dilemma. I was thankful! Besides, I like intensity. I like to be busy, but a down day is nice from time to time. With all the storms lately, it has been slow.
I was down today, but I never take out my problems on my clientele. I'm quite professional; I never take my personal life to work. Today I had a tough business case, a funny yet sincere old man, a long winded ......, you name it. These folks saved me today. In their being there with their situations both good and bad, I found solace. Thank you.
After a quick and uncomfortable lunch at a nearby cafe, I went back to work. I managed to call my doctor's office to get a price for my up-coming surgery (tell ya about it later).
A girl answered the phone. I told her who I was and what I wanted to know. So she decided to put me in contact with her office manager.....lo and behold........her name.
"What was your name again?" I said already knowing what she'd say next.
"My name is L,,,,,,the nurse is coming to give you a price. Can you hold on?" she asked.
"Of course."
I don't think two minutes went by.......the line picked up......it was her again.
"She coming. Just be patient, okay. Don't hang up"
"Sure, no problem."
I couldn't believe it! Just be patient? I hadn't sounded rushed or angry. In fact, I'm very kind to people. Believe it!
I finally got the nurse and got my business done. I hung up.
I continued the rest of my time at work. I joked as usual with my cohorts, I love that. I love sneaking up on "mom." I always get her!
Afterwards, I hit the gym. Did my back and lat routine and decided to skip the shoulders today. I left and went to a Subway down the road. I sat there looking out the window (you know how I enjoy the peace in that) as I munched on my turkey sandwich. Things ran in my head..."will I ever find peace? I would let her go but I need help in doing that. I have to trust that God has me exactly where he wants me." This final thought gave me comfort.
I left for chapel for I didn't want to go home. I prayed a rosary for the ones that I had offended and especially for L. I wanted her to be happy and have a great life with her family, if she has one or will have one. I felt at peace as I left. Now I'm home writing as I like doing.
I Wonder......
Coincidence? The world says yes, but my mother says no. Remember my previous writing concerning her........"With God, there are no coincidences." She told me this. She also said that once we started calling things coincidences, then we take credit from God. This reminds me of a movie I saw a few weeks ago, Archangel. The movie features our new Bond man. He plays a professor in search for Stalin's son. Yada, yada, yada.....as he walks through the woods with his associate. He makes the comment, "there have been too many coincidences, we were meant to be here."
A humbling Monday and I hear her name twice, once by "lucky" timing and another by destiny. One of them happened to tell me.........."Be patient!"
In the end, as Mother Theresa of Calcutta once said, "you must have faith in the fact that you are exactly where God wants you."
Even in the difficulty of Mother's words, I find great comfort in them.
It first began with waking up this morning; it was only 4:30AM. My mind wont rest, and I was wide awake. The thought of her haunted me. I laid there talking to God, pleading, for me to release my thoughts and feelings for her. I laid there not wanting to get up. If only I could fall asleep, the pain would go, at least momentarily. I got up to take my shower an hour and a half earlier than usual.
I was in the shower this morning thinking about her. It saddened me to know what I know of her. Never having touched her or kissed her, I feel such an emotional attachment. Please don't ask me why. I have no idea. I soon finished and sat on the couch watching TV. The ever so light gray color could be seen between my shades leading out to the balcony.
I got up and put my slacks and plum shirt on. I knew it was going to be a tough day: going to work on a Monday, thinking and thinking, going to workout, getting a quote on my up coming surgery, saying a Rosary that I always struggle to pray, the agony of thinking of her all day long, etc. I made my way out the door, started the truck and noticed that I was gonna run out of gas if I didn't get my ass to the 7-11!
As I turned up the radio, the DJ said her name. I was shocked! It gave me a moment of joy. She had been referring to someone else of course, but when I'm at my most vulnerable, something like this happens. As I backed out and drove out of the complex, I made my way to Mass that morning. I had to go! I was too devastated not to. I.......I don't know. I wonder at times...........
I arrived at Mass. There we were, all 25 of us. Another girl, sitting to the far left hand corner of the chapel, and I were the youngest in there by 35 years with no problem. It seems as if I skipped an entire 25 years of my life at times, going from my teens to my 50's in no time. Most people mistake me for my 30's whether it be work, distant family, friends, new acquaintances, etc. I'd rather be a kid again!
I sat there, stood there, knelt there. I could only think of her. Please forgive me. I sat there leaning my elbows on my thighs just thinking and reminiscing.
I left to work while calling my friend J. She's mad at me! I don't blame her; I'm a pain in her "fucking ass" as she would say. She's from Chicago; she's a lot tougher than WW ; - )
I got to work to see my mentor eating a burrito. Nothing brightens my day more than this woman; she is like a mother to me. I love her! Sassy, sharp, charismatic, and very easy going,,,,,do you guys see a pattern with me?
I went through my day and thank God it was steady. Too much time with nothing to do is hazardous to my intellect, my heart, and my dilemma. I was thankful! Besides, I like intensity. I like to be busy, but a down day is nice from time to time. With all the storms lately, it has been slow.
I was down today, but I never take out my problems on my clientele. I'm quite professional; I never take my personal life to work. Today I had a tough business case, a funny yet sincere old man, a long winded ......, you name it. These folks saved me today. In their being there with their situations both good and bad, I found solace. Thank you.
After a quick and uncomfortable lunch at a nearby cafe, I went back to work. I managed to call my doctor's office to get a price for my up-coming surgery (tell ya about it later).
A girl answered the phone. I told her who I was and what I wanted to know. So she decided to put me in contact with her office manager.....lo and behold........her name.
"What was your name again?" I said already knowing what she'd say next.
"My name is L,,,,,,the nurse is coming to give you a price. Can you hold on?" she asked.
"Of course."
I don't think two minutes went by.......the line picked up......it was her again.
"She coming. Just be patient, okay. Don't hang up"
"Sure, no problem."
I couldn't believe it! Just be patient? I hadn't sounded rushed or angry. In fact, I'm very kind to people. Believe it!
I finally got the nurse and got my business done. I hung up.
I continued the rest of my time at work. I joked as usual with my cohorts, I love that. I love sneaking up on "mom." I always get her!
Afterwards, I hit the gym. Did my back and lat routine and decided to skip the shoulders today. I left and went to a Subway down the road. I sat there looking out the window (you know how I enjoy the peace in that) as I munched on my turkey sandwich. Things ran in my head..."will I ever find peace? I would let her go but I need help in doing that. I have to trust that God has me exactly where he wants me." This final thought gave me comfort.
I left for chapel for I didn't want to go home. I prayed a rosary for the ones that I had offended and especially for L. I wanted her to be happy and have a great life with her family, if she has one or will have one. I felt at peace as I left. Now I'm home writing as I like doing.
I Wonder......
Coincidence? The world says yes, but my mother says no. Remember my previous writing concerning her........"With God, there are no coincidences." She told me this. She also said that once we started calling things coincidences, then we take credit from God. This reminds me of a movie I saw a few weeks ago, Archangel. The movie features our new Bond man. He plays a professor in search for Stalin's son. Yada, yada, yada.....as he walks through the woods with his associate. He makes the comment, "there have been too many coincidences, we were meant to be here."
A humbling Monday and I hear her name twice, once by "lucky" timing and another by destiny. One of them happened to tell me.........."Be patient!"
In the end, as Mother Theresa of Calcutta once said, "you must have faith in the fact that you are exactly where God wants you."
Even in the difficulty of Mother's words, I find great comfort in them.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
I Found My Psych Profile
I was cleaning my ever so handy tray just beneath my mini-bar. Its a simple stand that collects whatever I may have in my pockets as I walk in. Wallet, keys, a receipt or two, change, my watch, a few beer caps, chap stick, money clip, yada yada,,,,a few things I may need as I walk out the door are there. Its nice; it's accumulated a lot of stuff since the past few months.
I sat on the carpet and began digging through it. I found some receipts back dating to last summer: HEB, Chili's, Crescent City (my favorite restaurant), Pacific Seafood (Fresno, CA from my training back in the summer), Academy Sports, Devotion to the Chaplet of Mercy brochure (from whenever, I'm always reading stuff from St. Stephens), and a few other things. It was a freaking mound of crap. So there I was cleaning it up while I was watching Coyote Ugly. I had never seen that movie before, but I'm glad I caught it this time around. That Moynahan girl,,,wow!
I came across a piece of notebook paper. As soon as I saw it, I remembered what it was. It was from a student of mine back in 2004 when I taught back in the day for a charter school. She had been seeing a psychiatrist as she later told me and decided to do a profile on me. She was very sharp, savvy, fierce,,,,,,,,I loved her! So I'm sure she picked up on a few things from her shrink.
I decided to keep it in remembrance of her and my days back at the school.
Here is exactly what she wrote about as she decided to do an observation on ME........
I Past: A young craftsman, quick study very advanced w/ conscientious effort. Your success must have been achieved by old fashion hard work.
II Present: Fiery, passionate, and ready to take on the world. Shows a sign of an explorer, signifies travel, adventure, a well-needed change of residence. You lack focus and change course in midstream. Often departing impetuously.., your also quick to anger and sometimes tend to pick your own fights.
III Helping/Distracting: Don't lose sight of other circumstances as you try to balance two areas of your life....Don't take on too much....you cant handle it....just yet.
IV Obstacles to Overcome: STOP DELAYING THE INEVITABLE, Indecision can lead to missed opportunities
V Attitudes of Others: Rounded by danger, some people don't like you, they hide like cowards. If bad news does come, face it squarely even if there's nothing you can do.
VI What To Do Now: They say you cant move, like your holding on w/ your feet loosen your grip on material things. Let go of the past issues so rebirth can occur. Accept the change....that's partly on whats holding you back.
Well..that's a very interesting theory there, C.
I sat on the carpet and began digging through it. I found some receipts back dating to last summer: HEB, Chili's, Crescent City (my favorite restaurant), Pacific Seafood (Fresno, CA from my training back in the summer), Academy Sports, Devotion to the Chaplet of Mercy brochure (from whenever, I'm always reading stuff from St. Stephens), and a few other things. It was a freaking mound of crap. So there I was cleaning it up while I was watching Coyote Ugly. I had never seen that movie before, but I'm glad I caught it this time around. That Moynahan girl,,,wow!
I came across a piece of notebook paper. As soon as I saw it, I remembered what it was. It was from a student of mine back in 2004 when I taught back in the day for a charter school. She had been seeing a psychiatrist as she later told me and decided to do a profile on me. She was very sharp, savvy, fierce,,,,,,,,I loved her! So I'm sure she picked up on a few things from her shrink.
I decided to keep it in remembrance of her and my days back at the school.
Here is exactly what she wrote about as she decided to do an observation on ME........
I Past: A young craftsman, quick study very advanced w/ conscientious effort. Your success must have been achieved by old fashion hard work.
II Present: Fiery, passionate, and ready to take on the world. Shows a sign of an explorer, signifies travel, adventure, a well-needed change of residence. You lack focus and change course in midstream. Often departing impetuously.., your also quick to anger and sometimes tend to pick your own fights.
III Helping/Distracting: Don't lose sight of other circumstances as you try to balance two areas of your life....Don't take on too much....you cant handle it....just yet.
IV Obstacles to Overcome: STOP DELAYING THE INEVITABLE, Indecision can lead to missed opportunities
V Attitudes of Others: Rounded by danger, some people don't like you, they hide like cowards. If bad news does come, face it squarely even if there's nothing you can do.
VI What To Do Now: They say you cant move, like your holding on w/ your feet loosen your grip on material things. Let go of the past issues so rebirth can occur. Accept the change....that's partly on whats holding you back.
Well..that's a very interesting theory there, C.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
A Tribute
I have one of the best friends a person can have. In fact, she's in my top two. I often refer to her as WW for Waskily Wabbit. Why? Well, when she laughs, she kinda reminds me of Elmer Fudd (I think its Elmer Fudd and I actually try to do his voice). And if I remember from my childhood days, Elmer Fudd was always trying to shoot/kill or outdo Bugs Bunny, hence Waskily Wabbit. If I'm wrong on the toon, please let me know. Anyway, Waskily Wabbit is much cuter for a girl than lets say, Elmer or Fudd or whatever. She's extremely fun to tease, just don't piss her off! Folks, she can get fiery. Even with a 5 foot 3 inch frame, she'll take ya on with that Irish/Italian temper she's got.
I've known her for years. She's from the northeast and has two beautiful children, and yes, she's married. The broad ; - ) has me by 8 years or so and has seen a lot in her day. What makes her more beneficial to me is that she's been there and done that. From marriage to kids, money to career, culture to academics, religion to society, sex and rock n' roll the girl has been through it. The beauty is that I've only experienced maybe half of that; she has been a great guide for me.
Not to abolish my stroking of our friendship, we have had our arguments. Early on and years back, I became a bit judgemental over a thing or to. (I was like that for a period of a few years during college and through my early twenties) Then I got the Book of Job response--who the Hell are you to question me? (Get your copy of the Douey Rheims Bible and see for yourself. While we're on the topic of the Bible, if you don't have a Douey Rheims edition, then your Bible has been tampered with. Douey is the literal English translation of the Latin Vulgate.)
Quite frankly, I think that particular argument just made each other appreciate our friendship more.
Another time just weeks ago, she told me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore! What? I was wiggin out! Buddy of three years lays the bomb on ya without an explanation.
"You've got to be shitting me!" I was really shocked.
"Don't call me anymore; I don't want to talk to you!"
"What......why......what the Hell is your problem?"
"Your ugly, and I don't like you."
"Amy, stop being a bitch and tell me whats wrong."
I'm forward when people beat around the bush with something that is important to me. The moment I said this I heard the infamous click. Yada yada yada, it turns out that I had pushed the teasing a bit too much on a day that other shit was going on with her. Hence, be careful when you tease; I've learned the hard way.
All is good now! She's helped calm and settle my emotions through a dilemma I'm going through now.
Compassion, wisdom, experience, kindness and sympathy......Amy this one's for you!
Muy Amable!
I've known her for years. She's from the northeast and has two beautiful children, and yes, she's married. The broad ; - ) has me by 8 years or so and has seen a lot in her day. What makes her more beneficial to me is that she's been there and done that. From marriage to kids, money to career, culture to academics, religion to society, sex and rock n' roll the girl has been through it. The beauty is that I've only experienced maybe half of that; she has been a great guide for me.
Not to abolish my stroking of our friendship, we have had our arguments. Early on and years back, I became a bit judgemental over a thing or to. (I was like that for a period of a few years during college and through my early twenties) Then I got the Book of Job response--who the Hell are you to question me? (Get your copy of the Douey Rheims Bible and see for yourself. While we're on the topic of the Bible, if you don't have a Douey Rheims edition, then your Bible has been tampered with. Douey is the literal English translation of the Latin Vulgate.)
Quite frankly, I think that particular argument just made each other appreciate our friendship more.
Another time just weeks ago, she told me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore! What? I was wiggin out! Buddy of three years lays the bomb on ya without an explanation.
"You've got to be shitting me!" I was really shocked.
"Don't call me anymore; I don't want to talk to you!"
"What......why......what the Hell is your problem?"
"Your ugly, and I don't like you."
"Amy, stop being a bitch and tell me whats wrong."
I'm forward when people beat around the bush with something that is important to me. The moment I said this I heard the infamous click. Yada yada yada, it turns out that I had pushed the teasing a bit too much on a day that other shit was going on with her. Hence, be careful when you tease; I've learned the hard way.
All is good now! She's helped calm and settle my emotions through a dilemma I'm going through now.
Compassion, wisdom, experience, kindness and sympathy......Amy this one's for you!
Muy Amable!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Nature Picks
"It's so good to see you again," she tells me.
"It's good to see you babes, Happy Birthday," I say to her as I gave her a hug.
"How have you been?"
"I've been good,,,,,,at least I think." I say with a coy smile.
She laughs.
I soon noticed another lady across from me. When I stuck out my hand to shake hers, I soon realized she was a friend of mine. What the Hell was I thinking? I soon put my hand down and went over to give her a bear hug. She was petite and once "liked" me, but we wont go there. She's a buddy now!
I further introduced myself to the other girl at the back corner of the table. She was pretty and married as I could see that huge rock on her left ring finger. She in turn greeted me with a beautiful smile. She was mid to late 30's and had a nice physique. However, I wasn't there to gawk at women, but to spend time with my birthday girl.
There we were, 3 chicks and a gentleman. Drak, a gentleman? I know what you're thinking, and yes, I can be a gentleman! I sat there with my schooner of Killian's while they had their virgin daiquiris.
We sat there talking a bit to knock the rust off of the relationships. I had once worked with these ladies, but not anymore. Birthday Girl is a good bit younger than me; Ms. Likable and Mrs. Bigrock were in their 30's. We talked a bit when BG's cousin showed up with her skinny friend. I moved to the other side of the high table and offered my chair to them. Again, trying to be a gentleman! Seems like that is tonight's theme.
So within minutes, there we were.......5 chicks and little ol' me. Was God showering down blessings on me or what? Not one of these girls was unattractive to the male nearbyers. I'm surprised that no one came up to me and said, "hey dude, you're hogging up all the women." Lol, just kidding. Its a line from Armageddon. Anyway, they began talking, and I was noticing other things other than their conversation. At this point, I was ranking the girls by how good-looking they were. Eyes, smile, cleavage......in that order with smile taking primacy at my discretion. A smile can turn an ugly girl in a princess and vice versa.
I spent most the time talking to one on my left. She was telling me everything: who she had screwed for Christmas, her job prospects, who was having their nervous breakdowns, what kinky parties were being thrown and on and on....... She wasn't boring, but there are just certain things that I don't want to know. However, its one of those things that you don't want to know yet once you get a tidbit, you wanna know everything!!!
As the Killian's kicked in, I was looking around the place. It wasn't bad, but a bit overrated I think. It had over 40 TV's, big screens and projectors as far as I could tell. Its publicly traded and it wasn't all that smokey.....not bad. I had been there almost a year ago when I landed my new gig right after Memorial Day in 2006. As I came back to reality, I noticed that the alcohol had kicked in for the girls. I guess they stopped ordering virgins for "sluts."
"Why don't you tell us about the suction cup toy you bought the other day?" someone asked of the birthday girl. The table erupted in laughter. I chuckled. I knew these girls were wasted! "You can lick the cup and slam it on the chair and then....." I was laughing at this point. Some of the ladies were intrigued; some were not. It was funny so I laughed.
"I know you have all those toys because of all those parties you've thrown," one girl shot back at another. Well, it didn't last much longer b/c frankly I zoned out at this point.
The talk went on and on, and there is too much to list here. However, I now know, without a shred of doubt, that women are wilder than men. I had heard this theory before, now I know for sure. Fellas, women want sex even more so than we do. This is the lesson I've learned this very night. I remember my old man telling me this, but I didn't really pay attention to it.
One particular girl sitting to my immediate right was married; she was the skinny one. She wasn't bad looking, but she hardly smiled. There was something different about her than all the other girls. She had a dignity about herself; I cant explain it. She had fun there, but she didn't go overboard as in her saying or doing something that she would later regret. No embarrassing moments for her. In fact, she was the first to leave our little party. I was sad that she left, even though she didn't take a huge part in our conversations. Hell, neither did I. I remember thinking...if I had a wife, I would have wanted her to handle herself with the dignity and class that she showed.
In all, I liked these girls, even the married ones. Not one was gawking or wanting to find a piece of ass in the place. Yes, they were wild, but they kept that among themselves and didn't look for "action" beyond our table. They were just crazy gals having fun for the night. I got to wandering......I always get to wandering........from what I've seen, what gets married women looking at other guys? I mean, I was with married women this night but I noticed they were to involved in the jokes, cut-ups, and conversation than hooking themselves or each other up with the guys in the place. I'm gonna go out on a limb here; Women are wilder but are more loyal than men. After all, if anyone cheats, guys are the usually the ones to do it or initiate it. For all you nay-sayers, its fact! So get over it!
4 schooners and I was ready to go. I was feeling a bit tipsy, but not enough for the bleu burger and fries had settled my stomach. After three and a half hours of being there, I kissed my birthday girl good night (on the cheek, she is engaged to someone else) and walked out with her and the others. Mrs. Bigrock and her hubs (he showed up after I had been outnumbered 5 to 1) decided to stay.
It was nice to be around the low-cut tops for a change. The hotties were taken, go figure. Is there a pattern here?
"It's good to see you babes, Happy Birthday," I say to her as I gave her a hug.
"How have you been?"
"I've been good,,,,,,at least I think." I say with a coy smile.
She laughs.
I soon noticed another lady across from me. When I stuck out my hand to shake hers, I soon realized she was a friend of mine. What the Hell was I thinking? I soon put my hand down and went over to give her a bear hug. She was petite and once "liked" me, but we wont go there. She's a buddy now!
I further introduced myself to the other girl at the back corner of the table. She was pretty and married as I could see that huge rock on her left ring finger. She in turn greeted me with a beautiful smile. She was mid to late 30's and had a nice physique. However, I wasn't there to gawk at women, but to spend time with my birthday girl.
There we were, 3 chicks and a gentleman. Drak, a gentleman? I know what you're thinking, and yes, I can be a gentleman! I sat there with my schooner of Killian's while they had their virgin daiquiris.
We sat there talking a bit to knock the rust off of the relationships. I had once worked with these ladies, but not anymore. Birthday Girl is a good bit younger than me; Ms. Likable and Mrs. Bigrock were in their 30's. We talked a bit when BG's cousin showed up with her skinny friend. I moved to the other side of the high table and offered my chair to them. Again, trying to be a gentleman! Seems like that is tonight's theme.
So within minutes, there we were.......5 chicks and little ol' me. Was God showering down blessings on me or what? Not one of these girls was unattractive to the male nearbyers. I'm surprised that no one came up to me and said, "hey dude, you're hogging up all the women." Lol, just kidding. Its a line from Armageddon. Anyway, they began talking, and I was noticing other things other than their conversation. At this point, I was ranking the girls by how good-looking they were. Eyes, smile, cleavage......in that order with smile taking primacy at my discretion. A smile can turn an ugly girl in a princess and vice versa.
I spent most the time talking to one on my left. She was telling me everything: who she had screwed for Christmas, her job prospects, who was having their nervous breakdowns, what kinky parties were being thrown and on and on....... She wasn't boring, but there are just certain things that I don't want to know. However, its one of those things that you don't want to know yet once you get a tidbit, you wanna know everything!!!
As the Killian's kicked in, I was looking around the place. It wasn't bad, but a bit overrated I think. It had over 40 TV's, big screens and projectors as far as I could tell. Its publicly traded and it wasn't all that smokey.....not bad. I had been there almost a year ago when I landed my new gig right after Memorial Day in 2006. As I came back to reality, I noticed that the alcohol had kicked in for the girls. I guess they stopped ordering virgins for "sluts."
"Why don't you tell us about the suction cup toy you bought the other day?" someone asked of the birthday girl. The table erupted in laughter. I chuckled. I knew these girls were wasted! "You can lick the cup and slam it on the chair and then....." I was laughing at this point. Some of the ladies were intrigued; some were not. It was funny so I laughed.
"I know you have all those toys because of all those parties you've thrown," one girl shot back at another. Well, it didn't last much longer b/c frankly I zoned out at this point.
The talk went on and on, and there is too much to list here. However, I now know, without a shred of doubt, that women are wilder than men. I had heard this theory before, now I know for sure. Fellas, women want sex even more so than we do. This is the lesson I've learned this very night. I remember my old man telling me this, but I didn't really pay attention to it.
One particular girl sitting to my immediate right was married; she was the skinny one. She wasn't bad looking, but she hardly smiled. There was something different about her than all the other girls. She had a dignity about herself; I cant explain it. She had fun there, but she didn't go overboard as in her saying or doing something that she would later regret. No embarrassing moments for her. In fact, she was the first to leave our little party. I was sad that she left, even though she didn't take a huge part in our conversations. Hell, neither did I. I remember thinking...if I had a wife, I would have wanted her to handle herself with the dignity and class that she showed.
In all, I liked these girls, even the married ones. Not one was gawking or wanting to find a piece of ass in the place. Yes, they were wild, but they kept that among themselves and didn't look for "action" beyond our table. They were just crazy gals having fun for the night. I got to wandering......I always get to wandering........from what I've seen, what gets married women looking at other guys? I mean, I was with married women this night but I noticed they were to involved in the jokes, cut-ups, and conversation than hooking themselves or each other up with the guys in the place. I'm gonna go out on a limb here; Women are wilder but are more loyal than men. After all, if anyone cheats, guys are the usually the ones to do it or initiate it. For all you nay-sayers, its fact! So get over it!
4 schooners and I was ready to go. I was feeling a bit tipsy, but not enough for the bleu burger and fries had settled my stomach. After three and a half hours of being there, I kissed my birthday girl good night (on the cheek, she is engaged to someone else) and walked out with her and the others. Mrs. Bigrock and her hubs (he showed up after I had been outnumbered 5 to 1) decided to stay.
It was nice to be around the low-cut tops for a change. The hotties were taken, go figure. Is there a pattern here?
Monday, May 14, 2007
Blast From The Past Scenes 1 & 2
He came into the office, but I didn't really recognize him. He had a cowboy hat on and walked slumped over. How funny he looked, but the lady he was with rung a bell in a my head. I was trying to put a place to him. I always remember faces but names....I'm horrible with those.
I was trying to be courteous, but he was being an ass with his responses to me. Keeping my patience, I explained to the gentleman why I was asking him to do such and such......
The ass had the gull to mock me using my own words. Oh well, just roll with the punches......I've been doing that all my life.
As he drew closer, he got a closer view of my name tag. His eyes lit up; I now knew why his wife looked so familiar. He was an old high school teacher. Its been nearly a decade since I was in his classroom. Anyhow, after the ever so sort introduction....
"I thought you were going to be a priest," he said.
"Well, it's a long story" I said half jokingly and half bashful.
"What happened?"
"Well, I didn't get along with a nun all that great. In fact, I really didn't like what she had to say about me and my evaluation." (The Church has you fill out a long evaluation to test your compatibility for marriage or the priesthood)
"We'll talk later about this....." he quickly responded.
We sat and talked. My job involves a lot of talking and questioning.......lots of questioning. We talked about his new business that he was starting, and then he began with the old days.
"Did you know why they fired Coach ......... and did you know ................... Then ol' ............. went and decided to go back to the gym and found........." he went on.
I was floored. I had always grown up to think that adults were perfect; I was very naive. I couldn't believe that certain people had done certain things...... Humans are...........well..........human. I don't mean to judge, but I was a bit saddened by the whole thing.
We then got back on focus as to why he was there. Again, he got off topic and began to talk about the Church and how the hierarchy in it wasn't worth a shit. I really don't know; I love my Church! Sometimes I hate its rigidity but oh well, that's life and God's plan. Not everything comes our way in the way we want it. To be truthful, it does hurt to say that.
Anyhow, we went back and forth about me and the priesthood, my future, my past etc. We'd get back on topic.
"What time do you go for lunch?"
"Today I go at 1 o'clock," I said.
"We'll be here to pick you up. We'll drive in front of the building, but I'll leave you if you not there," he says with a smile.
"Ok, I'll be there........."
It was roughly 1:20 as we walked into the Mexican restaurant. It was a nice place, but I cant stand going out to eat during lunch. Whether its with family or friends or boss, the thought of having to rush to get back to work knocks the wind out of eating out. When you eat out, you take your time and enjoy it, right? No one agrees with me on this. Come on, you gotta be able to relax and even drink a beer knowing you can enjoy the evening without hurrying.
Anyway, I hated it more for him and his wife because of my ass. They are retired, but I'm having them rush through their food. His wife was very thoughtful of my situation whereas he was too busy wanting to talk, lol. It was so funny. He's sassy as hell and very talkative. He's a great guy to have in your corner of the ring.
As we walked to the table I noticed a young woman sitting there. Black hair, fair skin, beautiful eyes.........she was attractive. I love dark features! Have I mentioned that before? Anyway, I got to introduce myself to her and began to listen to my old friend talk. We awaited my chicken enchiladas and had the benefit of meeting the owner. She was an older woman with a beautiful face. She was a grandmother, mind you! Wow!
Well, we sat eating. We talked about the priesthood (I was hoping he wouldn't bring this up for the black haired girl was quite put off by it, not that I'd hook up with her. I just wanted to talk to her more), his experiences with so and so, etc. It was funny; he did most of the talking. It was fun but within minutes, we were up and walking out. I hate eating out during lunch!
"It was very nice meeting you," I told the owner as I shook her hand as we were leaving.
I made my way to the door when I noticed that the dark hair was nearby.
"What was your name again?" I said with a smile.
"Roxette!"
"It was a pleasure meeting you Roxette."
She was smiling like no other and so was I.......
As we drove up to the front of the building, he offered to take me to the game. He had received tickets as a gift from one of his cronies. I was a bit reluctant because today was a workout day, and I really didn't like baseball. I tried to say no in a kind way.....
"Oh come on. We'll have a great time. You need to get out more anyway."
"Okay, sure......give me a call and I'll meet you there." I told him as he turned his head. He was ready to go and was now paying me lip service....... He looked so funny in his cowboy/ranchero hat; you never would have thought he was a Ph.D by the way he acted.
I was trying to be courteous, but he was being an ass with his responses to me. Keeping my patience, I explained to the gentleman why I was asking him to do such and such......
The ass had the gull to mock me using my own words. Oh well, just roll with the punches......I've been doing that all my life.
As he drew closer, he got a closer view of my name tag. His eyes lit up; I now knew why his wife looked so familiar. He was an old high school teacher. Its been nearly a decade since I was in his classroom. Anyhow, after the ever so sort introduction....
"I thought you were going to be a priest," he said.
"Well, it's a long story" I said half jokingly and half bashful.
"What happened?"
"Well, I didn't get along with a nun all that great. In fact, I really didn't like what she had to say about me and my evaluation." (The Church has you fill out a long evaluation to test your compatibility for marriage or the priesthood)
"We'll talk later about this....." he quickly responded.
We sat and talked. My job involves a lot of talking and questioning.......lots of questioning. We talked about his new business that he was starting, and then he began with the old days.
"Did you know why they fired Coach ......... and did you know ................... Then ol' ............. went and decided to go back to the gym and found........." he went on.
I was floored. I had always grown up to think that adults were perfect; I was very naive. I couldn't believe that certain people had done certain things...... Humans are...........well..........human. I don't mean to judge, but I was a bit saddened by the whole thing.
We then got back on focus as to why he was there. Again, he got off topic and began to talk about the Church and how the hierarchy in it wasn't worth a shit. I really don't know; I love my Church! Sometimes I hate its rigidity but oh well, that's life and God's plan. Not everything comes our way in the way we want it. To be truthful, it does hurt to say that.
Anyhow, we went back and forth about me and the priesthood, my future, my past etc. We'd get back on topic.
"What time do you go for lunch?"
"Today I go at 1 o'clock," I said.
"We'll be here to pick you up. We'll drive in front of the building, but I'll leave you if you not there," he says with a smile.
"Ok, I'll be there........."
It was roughly 1:20 as we walked into the Mexican restaurant. It was a nice place, but I cant stand going out to eat during lunch. Whether its with family or friends or boss, the thought of having to rush to get back to work knocks the wind out of eating out. When you eat out, you take your time and enjoy it, right? No one agrees with me on this. Come on, you gotta be able to relax and even drink a beer knowing you can enjoy the evening without hurrying.
Anyway, I hated it more for him and his wife because of my ass. They are retired, but I'm having them rush through their food. His wife was very thoughtful of my situation whereas he was too busy wanting to talk, lol. It was so funny. He's sassy as hell and very talkative. He's a great guy to have in your corner of the ring.
As we walked to the table I noticed a young woman sitting there. Black hair, fair skin, beautiful eyes.........she was attractive. I love dark features! Have I mentioned that before? Anyway, I got to introduce myself to her and began to listen to my old friend talk. We awaited my chicken enchiladas and had the benefit of meeting the owner. She was an older woman with a beautiful face. She was a grandmother, mind you! Wow!
Well, we sat eating. We talked about the priesthood (I was hoping he wouldn't bring this up for the black haired girl was quite put off by it, not that I'd hook up with her. I just wanted to talk to her more), his experiences with so and so, etc. It was funny; he did most of the talking. It was fun but within minutes, we were up and walking out. I hate eating out during lunch!
"It was very nice meeting you," I told the owner as I shook her hand as we were leaving.
I made my way to the door when I noticed that the dark hair was nearby.
"What was your name again?" I said with a smile.
"Roxette!"
"It was a pleasure meeting you Roxette."
She was smiling like no other and so was I.......
As we drove up to the front of the building, he offered to take me to the game. He had received tickets as a gift from one of his cronies. I was a bit reluctant because today was a workout day, and I really didn't like baseball. I tried to say no in a kind way.....
"Oh come on. We'll have a great time. You need to get out more anyway."
"Okay, sure......give me a call and I'll meet you there." I told him as he turned his head. He was ready to go and was now paying me lip service....... He looked so funny in his cowboy/ranchero hat; you never would have thought he was a Ph.D by the way he acted.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Do You Like That?
She's very pretty. She fits a nice mold that I like to see in a girl: brown hair, beautiful eyes, nice smile, great skin, carries herself well, sense of kindness, a bit reserved, an inch or so shorter tan me, etc etc. She works in the same building I do, just above us.
I had seen her a few times before especially in the morning when we share an elevator. I once took a look at her when she was turning. As she turned her head to look at me, I turned mine ever so slowly. I don't want to be rude; after all, she does has a boyfriend or husband. I'm not sure, but I've never noticed a ring on her finger. She's very pretty; I've noticed her and vice versa.
Friday, as I was walking through the parking lot I noticed her being dropped off in front. I was walking along just knowing I would enjoy my eye candy to come. I got to the elevator first and held the door open as she walked in. "Thank you," she said sooooo quietly. She's a bit shy.
Another lady came from no where and managed to step into the elevator as the doors were about to close. She walked past us to the back. As she did that I noticed that my eye candy was standing to my immediate right with her shoulders square toward me. I turned and stared into her eyes as she did mine. She turned away to look at the lady who was struggling to get a handle on her things. She was hesitant, but that's okay. She should be that way.
The stare! The most primal instinct in all the animal kingdom except for sex. Eye contact is the biggest thing in attracting a mate or a date. Its all in the visuals. If your eyes are weak or you break contact, well its gonna be tough. If you can hold your ground and give her that carnal look, you will get her attention. I don't stare like this at women often. In fact, its been a while. She has to be attractive, not just pretty or hot. Pretty or hot are nice, but I'm really not interested in that. This one definitely perks my interest much like L did. Its been years since I've been this attracted to anyone. How the similarities are uncanny.
She stood there inches away from me standing and starring right at me. She could have been further away from me like usual, but this time she wasn't. We both know that we got each other's attention. I took a look at her eyes and didn't smile. It was a hard stare. She knew it but didn't take it for long. As I reached my floor, I told everyone to have a good day. I don't recall hearing her voice, oh well. The attraction is there, and I may have the upper hand. I know when they're a bit shy and don't react as strong; its okay. I prefer the not so aggressive.
I think I'll introduce myself next time.
She's got a man, though! If its a hubs, I'll bow out gracefully. If not, well I think I'll pursue this....maybe.
I must say...........I keep feeling that I should just be patient and not push anything. I wish I knew why.
Night
I had seen her a few times before especially in the morning when we share an elevator. I once took a look at her when she was turning. As she turned her head to look at me, I turned mine ever so slowly. I don't want to be rude; after all, she does has a boyfriend or husband. I'm not sure, but I've never noticed a ring on her finger. She's very pretty; I've noticed her and vice versa.
Friday, as I was walking through the parking lot I noticed her being dropped off in front. I was walking along just knowing I would enjoy my eye candy to come. I got to the elevator first and held the door open as she walked in. "Thank you," she said sooooo quietly. She's a bit shy.
Another lady came from no where and managed to step into the elevator as the doors were about to close. She walked past us to the back. As she did that I noticed that my eye candy was standing to my immediate right with her shoulders square toward me. I turned and stared into her eyes as she did mine. She turned away to look at the lady who was struggling to get a handle on her things. She was hesitant, but that's okay. She should be that way.
The stare! The most primal instinct in all the animal kingdom except for sex. Eye contact is the biggest thing in attracting a mate or a date. Its all in the visuals. If your eyes are weak or you break contact, well its gonna be tough. If you can hold your ground and give her that carnal look, you will get her attention. I don't stare like this at women often. In fact, its been a while. She has to be attractive, not just pretty or hot. Pretty or hot are nice, but I'm really not interested in that. This one definitely perks my interest much like L did. Its been years since I've been this attracted to anyone. How the similarities are uncanny.
She stood there inches away from me standing and starring right at me. She could have been further away from me like usual, but this time she wasn't. We both know that we got each other's attention. I took a look at her eyes and didn't smile. It was a hard stare. She knew it but didn't take it for long. As I reached my floor, I told everyone to have a good day. I don't recall hearing her voice, oh well. The attraction is there, and I may have the upper hand. I know when they're a bit shy and don't react as strong; its okay. I prefer the not so aggressive.
I think I'll introduce myself next time.
She's got a man, though! If its a hubs, I'll bow out gracefully. If not, well I think I'll pursue this....maybe.
I must say...........I keep feeling that I should just be patient and not push anything. I wish I knew why.
Night
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Da Dawg!
This is my pooch. One hundred, twenty-five pounds of solid dog!I'll never forget the day I brought him home. I had to travel out of town to a little farming community, if you want to call it that, one summer morning just prior to my senior year in high school. It was a Saturday as I recall because I remember hurrying so I could get back in order to get to work on time later that afternoon.
As I drove up, a large white German Shepherd walked up to my car. I decided it was time to roll up my window; I heard my father begin to laugh.
After being assured by the owner that she wouldn't bite, we decided to get off the car. I asked if she had anymore left, and she said yes. Earlier on the phone, her husband had told me that there were only two boys left. Well, within seconds a herd of puppies came running from around the corner of her house. They were all gorgeous! Some black, some brown, some mixed with the classic brown with black saddle as you see most German shepherds.
As usual, Dad began talking like he knew dogs, and what to look for. Oh please? My old man cant stand dogs and knows shit about them! I thought it funny how he was trying to "show", but oh well, I didn't say anything. This was very "me" back then; I kept my opinions to myself, was gun-shy, and didn't like to get involved with other people's feelings or emotions for the worst. Nowadays, I'm very opposite for the most part.
"This one!" Dad said. "Fine, I'll take this one." I told the lady. She carefully held the mother by the neck as I handed her over a 50 dollar bill. "Where's the dad?" I asked.
"He's buried under that tree over there. One day he was out in the street and an 18 wheeler hit 'em. Yeah, ol' Sam was a good dog." The Son of Sam I thought. I was wondering if my knew purchase was somehow related to David Berkowitz, maybe not. Of course, looking back, I'm only half joking with all the crap this dog has put me through.
We were trying to figure out before we left what his name would be. I was a bit set back. "Lets call him Nash!" Nash Bridges was my Dad's favorite show at the time. "I guess," I said. Then I got to thinking,,,,,,,,,,, isn't there a wrestler by the name of Nash. "Hey, that's not a bad name for a badass dog," I told my old man.
Off we were back home. I drove as my newly-born, future guardian sat ever so calm in my father's arms. I couldn't believe it--Dad holding a pet. That's like seeing Paris Hilton do charity work.
Well, 10 years later, give or take a few months......my pooch is settling down into his final years. He's been through a lot: hot-ass, merciless summers, cold winters, very good eating (trust me, I've dished out a freaking fortune), a few ass-chewings by me and especially my gracious mother who raised him when I went away to A&M within the next two years of getting him, a car that ran over him and gave him a limp for months, me running over his paw while parking mom's car in the garage this past winter after Christmas Mass, snow cones, his ever favorite $1 burgers from MacDonald's (pics where taken at McD's this past Friday night), shots at the vet, rectal thermometers, minor surgery on this manhood (make that major surgery), pills for his joints, ticks, heat rash and fleas, cats and road runners eating his food, his girlfriend's boyfriend eating his food when the girl would pretend to like him just so her 1 inch dick buddy could eat his food (I got tired of seeing this shit and I really slapped the living shit out of her with a piece of scrap metal), dog fights he usually won because of his sheer size and strength, studding requests by people who had female German shepherds (I wanted to have his jizz frozen and stored at the A&M Vet school but Mom had him neutered before I could ....), thwarted a thief from stealing my mom's car who actually needed her help that night to call off the dog so he could get out of the garage, attacks on my nephew and aunts for fucking with him when he wasn't in the mood, wieners given to him at the park by strangers who liked him, smacked with sticks by dads only trying to protect their children (I told them he didn't bite but they didn't take the chance, rightly so).......and on and on and on.........
Behold, I give you Nash!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Great Day
"When you start thinking that everything is a coincidence, then you take credit away from God." I sat just starring at her while she leaned over to eat her fried chicken. "He knows what he's doing," she went on to say. I was in awe which is a feeling I'm getting more and more often. All this wonderful revelation was wetting my appetite for I have been desperately asking God for some sort of answer since my January 31 fiasco. Her words have given me sooo much confidence in the past few days. I really needed someone like her to say that for it has been a tough few months. As she went on, I was just starring out the window watching the cars go by. To me there is nothing more peaceful than to be at a fast food joint eating and watching whatever may go by outside the window. I'm weird, but oh well, no apologies here.
As she concentrated more on her food than our talk, I looked to my left. I noticed underneath the window painted advertisement an old couple. They had been eating at the very corner of the place when I had arrived and carried my meal to the table a few feet from them. The older lady saw me and smiled; I smiled back. They were already finished and out next to their car. At first sight I thought he was opening the door for her. As it turned out, she was opening the door for him; she was sitting him in the rear behind the driver's seat. I was baffled. All I could think about then was how I didnt want to grow up to that age to have my wife or someone do that for me. I loved the charity and patience she showed, but at the same time I wish that it didnt have to be that way for him,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or me.
Then I awoke to my senses and realized how perfect she was for me. Of every woman God could have chosen, how perfect it was to have matched me up with someone so compassionate, so understanding, kind and gentle. I was blessed; the whole idea gave me a sense of calmness. I must of stared at her for more than 10 straight seconds. She never noticed; she was too busy eating........
I had been eating a few minutes earlier when someone smacked me in the shoulder. I was momentarily pissed! Its not fun to be eating in perpetual bliss to only have someone come startle you like that. Pleasantly, I noticed my mother walking around the other side of the table. She's a sass at times, but I by far get more of it from my Dad than her. I've got her thick hair and eyes, but I didn't inherit her piety toward God. I've gotten more of her feminine attributes than did my brother. However, I'm bolder than he is........I guess that has come from my "who gives a shit if you live 25 yrs or 100 yrs" attitude toward life. I've found that fortune favors the bold. Trust me.
As it turned out, she didnt go to work that morning. Instead she had played for a funeral. A little old lady was having her funeral and my mother has always seen it fit to use her musical talents at the bequest of our, well her, parishoners. We're Catholic.......thats what we do : - ) Anyhow she thought it fitting that her funeral be on the First Saturday of the month. Its part of a devotion to Our Lady. This particular parishoner was a pious one at that. She suffered a great bit in the final twenty years of her life. I knew her; I always gave her the utmost respect. Anyhow, this began the "God is in control" talk; it also began my second serving of fried chicken.
I wonder if there is a chink to that statement--does fortune really favor the bold? History says "yes"! Then again, not all of history is recorded. Has there even been a time when boldness gave way to Divinity? Afterall, today I noticed a birthday on a screen. It cant be! Two minutes later, he phones HR to only repeat two names. Oh my God! I sat starring at my monitor much like I did at my mother this past Saturday. The second sign. The relative pair I see again. Chance? There it is .......her birthday,,,,,and then echo the names of her and her mother. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it a coincidence? No,,,,not after what my mother told me this past weekend. I've believed and faltered, and now I believe again.
I speak in generalities for one day I know I'll be explaining myself.
As she concentrated more on her food than our talk, I looked to my left. I noticed underneath the window painted advertisement an old couple. They had been eating at the very corner of the place when I had arrived and carried my meal to the table a few feet from them. The older lady saw me and smiled; I smiled back. They were already finished and out next to their car. At first sight I thought he was opening the door for her. As it turned out, she was opening the door for him; she was sitting him in the rear behind the driver's seat. I was baffled. All I could think about then was how I didnt want to grow up to that age to have my wife or someone do that for me. I loved the charity and patience she showed, but at the same time I wish that it didnt have to be that way for him,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or me.
Then I awoke to my senses and realized how perfect she was for me. Of every woman God could have chosen, how perfect it was to have matched me up with someone so compassionate, so understanding, kind and gentle. I was blessed; the whole idea gave me a sense of calmness. I must of stared at her for more than 10 straight seconds. She never noticed; she was too busy eating........
I had been eating a few minutes earlier when someone smacked me in the shoulder. I was momentarily pissed! Its not fun to be eating in perpetual bliss to only have someone come startle you like that. Pleasantly, I noticed my mother walking around the other side of the table. She's a sass at times, but I by far get more of it from my Dad than her. I've got her thick hair and eyes, but I didn't inherit her piety toward God. I've gotten more of her feminine attributes than did my brother. However, I'm bolder than he is........I guess that has come from my "who gives a shit if you live 25 yrs or 100 yrs" attitude toward life. I've found that fortune favors the bold. Trust me.
As it turned out, she didnt go to work that morning. Instead she had played for a funeral. A little old lady was having her funeral and my mother has always seen it fit to use her musical talents at the bequest of our, well her, parishoners. We're Catholic.......thats what we do : - ) Anyhow she thought it fitting that her funeral be on the First Saturday of the month. Its part of a devotion to Our Lady. This particular parishoner was a pious one at that. She suffered a great bit in the final twenty years of her life. I knew her; I always gave her the utmost respect. Anyhow, this began the "God is in control" talk; it also began my second serving of fried chicken.
I wonder if there is a chink to that statement--does fortune really favor the bold? History says "yes"! Then again, not all of history is recorded. Has there even been a time when boldness gave way to Divinity? Afterall, today I noticed a birthday on a screen. It cant be! Two minutes later, he phones HR to only repeat two names. Oh my God! I sat starring at my monitor much like I did at my mother this past Saturday. The second sign. The relative pair I see again. Chance? There it is .......her birthday,,,,,and then echo the names of her and her mother. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it a coincidence? No,,,,not after what my mother told me this past weekend. I've believed and faltered, and now I believe again.
I speak in generalities for one day I know I'll be explaining myself.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Casino Lesson 1 Collective Greed
I have had a weird hang-up on unions and collective bargaining. Let's take a look at what happened back at another casino the day after my initial visit concering counting and our unsympathetic bartender (early May blog)....
I sat there near first base just looking around waiting on the dealer to cash me some chips. I had plunked $160 down and was ready for a little action. As I waited I noticed the vast assortment of slot machines surrounding all the table games. All you could hear were the little bells and whistles that excited the visitors that had made their way to the mountain resort. Immediately to my right, I noticed the roulette table.
As I looked around, I notice the varying peoples that walked around looking and talking; these folks were having a great time. Every now and then, I'd see a babe. One particular was quite nice looking. She was with her boyfriend, and as she got closer and closer..............well I became disappointed. Sweetheart, could you lay off the base just a bit? Let your beauty shine and accentuate it with a little blush here and some liner there. Why some chicks coat their mug as if they were a car going through primer job, I have no idea!
Anyhow, I got my chips. First hand--two face cards! Oh, I like this dealer. He went and displayed all the cards to all the players. Everyone seemed primed to be set up for double downs etc. for they were were all in the 9-12 territory. But wait! The dealer's up card was a 2. Being the first person at the table, the dealer says, "you're staying." He moves on to the older gentleman next to me. "Hey wait, I was gonna split, " I told the dealer in dismay.
"You don't split when you have face cards," he said. Everyone at the table agreed by nodding their heads and murmurred. "Well if you have a little card then why not? You didn't give me a chance!" Keep in mind, I was smiling and being very light hearted about the situation. The dealer goes on "you gotta ask the table when you do that. If you dont, I'll lose the table." What the fuck is this shit? Permission? Fuck that! Sorry pal, I dont see Mom or Dad anywhere. So why do I need permission? All this shit ran through my mind in an instant. As I came together, I saw smiles on the folks to my left. They were happy that the dealer spoke for them; however, they weren't happy with my technique.
"You never split face cards," the older clean-cut man said to me. He shook his head. He was sitting to my immediate left with his older mom/concumbine/wife/aunt whatever the hell she was. I could have cared less. "If dealer has a 2 and I got face cards, yes, I'm going to split. I'm here to make money like anyone else. I'm sorry but I play for me and not for anyone else." I couldn't believe I just said that. I have no problem asserting myself, but I would never do that to a person who was just giving me advise even though I knew the game better than he did. I'm a bit disgusted with myself.
They were all shaking their heads now. "Dealer, is it illegal in blackjack to split face cards?" I asked. He shook his head. I said, "Well........there ya go!" This table didn't like me as much as the other one the night before.
The above is interesting game theory study. In BJ, players can work in unison to beat the dealer. If you get one moron who doesnt know what he's doing or a BJ enthusiast like me who asks to hit when he shouldn't, then that could screw up the running order for everyone else. Remember in BJ, when you bust your money is taken automatically. The dealer could bust later and you still wont get your money back for a push. Here you see players wanting to make money, but as a team. I, however, wanted to maximize my interest in this particular hand which reqired me to split w/ face cards showing. Here I'm getting the most money on the table with the most favorable of odds. Do I give a shit about others making money? Nah. I dont care if the fact that I take a card screws Mr. Clean Cut next to me, Mrs Postmenopausal next to him, Mrs. Charisma to her left, or Mr. Impotent at third base. All I care about is maximizing my profit, period.
I'm not a team guy. Correction, I'm not a team guy unless I pick my team--big difference. I share with who I want, not because some schmo tells me to. Anyhow, the above is how unions work. They stay together and say "united we stand, together we fall" kind of bullshit. Do they really mean that? I dont think so. If company needs to cut back on costs to stay above breakeven or lessen the red ink effect, do you think unions are willing to take a pay cut as a "unified body" as opposed to having a few unlucky ones get the axe as long as the remaining don't have their pockets books touched? Hmmmmm,, very interesting my dear Watson!
Players 2 3 4 5 didnt like Player 1, me (only b/c I was the first to recieve the cards), because I was doing my own thing as opposed to working with the group. I can load up my bets so long as I bring them with me. Not working with the group would at times maximize my gains while discounting theirs. They didnt like this. Yet they would applaud me only if I worked to their advantage. I'm sorry, are you going to give me a part of you realized stake at the end of the game when you leave the table? Are we not all here to make money? I have to ask other players permission to do something they are doing? I have to ask permission b/c I have a greater understanding of the game than they do? Hah!
Drak's Tip
If you have to play with a real asshole in BJ, make sure you sit to his immediate right. You can sand bag his ass--hook, line and sinker. But hey, I'm not a malicious guy.
Sorry I got off point. As I was gonna say, unions tend to be a shelter for the weak. I've had the option of joining where I work, but I'd prefer not to. Some people get too comfortable at where they are at and start doing whatever they want (this could be a posting on the future, Working With a Bitch, not sure though). They become jerks who protrude what they want and then get insensitive when its thrown back at them. Then of course, they run to the union or threaten with union intervention. It all makes for wasted productivity, needless anxiety, and lowered morale. What a bunch of pussies! No offense my lovely ladies reading my blog.
Dont get me wrong; they're are some very dedicated employees who are apart of unions. Its okay! I just think its kinda funny on how they operate. At first they had their legitimate say, and now, well.......they have become the greedy moguls that they once spurned back in the olden times. Hey, Mr Hoffa, would you like your pay cut now?
I sat there near first base just looking around waiting on the dealer to cash me some chips. I had plunked $160 down and was ready for a little action. As I waited I noticed the vast assortment of slot machines surrounding all the table games. All you could hear were the little bells and whistles that excited the visitors that had made their way to the mountain resort. Immediately to my right, I noticed the roulette table.
As I looked around, I notice the varying peoples that walked around looking and talking; these folks were having a great time. Every now and then, I'd see a babe. One particular was quite nice looking. She was with her boyfriend, and as she got closer and closer..............well I became disappointed. Sweetheart, could you lay off the base just a bit? Let your beauty shine and accentuate it with a little blush here and some liner there. Why some chicks coat their mug as if they were a car going through primer job, I have no idea!
Anyhow, I got my chips. First hand--two face cards! Oh, I like this dealer. He went and displayed all the cards to all the players. Everyone seemed primed to be set up for double downs etc. for they were were all in the 9-12 territory. But wait! The dealer's up card was a 2. Being the first person at the table, the dealer says, "you're staying." He moves on to the older gentleman next to me. "Hey wait, I was gonna split, " I told the dealer in dismay.
"You don't split when you have face cards," he said. Everyone at the table agreed by nodding their heads and murmurred. "Well if you have a little card then why not? You didn't give me a chance!" Keep in mind, I was smiling and being very light hearted about the situation. The dealer goes on "you gotta ask the table when you do that. If you dont, I'll lose the table." What the fuck is this shit? Permission? Fuck that! Sorry pal, I dont see Mom or Dad anywhere. So why do I need permission? All this shit ran through my mind in an instant. As I came together, I saw smiles on the folks to my left. They were happy that the dealer spoke for them; however, they weren't happy with my technique.
"You never split face cards," the older clean-cut man said to me. He shook his head. He was sitting to my immediate left with his older mom/concumbine/wife/aunt whatever the hell she was. I could have cared less. "If dealer has a 2 and I got face cards, yes, I'm going to split. I'm here to make money like anyone else. I'm sorry but I play for me and not for anyone else." I couldn't believe I just said that. I have no problem asserting myself, but I would never do that to a person who was just giving me advise even though I knew the game better than he did. I'm a bit disgusted with myself.
They were all shaking their heads now. "Dealer, is it illegal in blackjack to split face cards?" I asked. He shook his head. I said, "Well........there ya go!" This table didn't like me as much as the other one the night before.
The above is interesting game theory study. In BJ, players can work in unison to beat the dealer. If you get one moron who doesnt know what he's doing or a BJ enthusiast like me who asks to hit when he shouldn't, then that could screw up the running order for everyone else. Remember in BJ, when you bust your money is taken automatically. The dealer could bust later and you still wont get your money back for a push. Here you see players wanting to make money, but as a team. I, however, wanted to maximize my interest in this particular hand which reqired me to split w/ face cards showing. Here I'm getting the most money on the table with the most favorable of odds. Do I give a shit about others making money? Nah. I dont care if the fact that I take a card screws Mr. Clean Cut next to me, Mrs Postmenopausal next to him, Mrs. Charisma to her left, or Mr. Impotent at third base. All I care about is maximizing my profit, period.
I'm not a team guy. Correction, I'm not a team guy unless I pick my team--big difference. I share with who I want, not because some schmo tells me to. Anyhow, the above is how unions work. They stay together and say "united we stand, together we fall" kind of bullshit. Do they really mean that? I dont think so. If company needs to cut back on costs to stay above breakeven or lessen the red ink effect, do you think unions are willing to take a pay cut as a "unified body" as opposed to having a few unlucky ones get the axe as long as the remaining don't have their pockets books touched? Hmmmmm,, very interesting my dear Watson!
Players 2 3 4 5 didnt like Player 1, me (only b/c I was the first to recieve the cards), because I was doing my own thing as opposed to working with the group. I can load up my bets so long as I bring them with me. Not working with the group would at times maximize my gains while discounting theirs. They didnt like this. Yet they would applaud me only if I worked to their advantage. I'm sorry, are you going to give me a part of you realized stake at the end of the game when you leave the table? Are we not all here to make money? I have to ask other players permission to do something they are doing? I have to ask permission b/c I have a greater understanding of the game than they do? Hah!
Drak's Tip
If you have to play with a real asshole in BJ, make sure you sit to his immediate right. You can sand bag his ass--hook, line and sinker. But hey, I'm not a malicious guy.
Sorry I got off point. As I was gonna say, unions tend to be a shelter for the weak. I've had the option of joining where I work, but I'd prefer not to. Some people get too comfortable at where they are at and start doing whatever they want (this could be a posting on the future, Working With a Bitch, not sure though). They become jerks who protrude what they want and then get insensitive when its thrown back at them. Then of course, they run to the union or threaten with union intervention. It all makes for wasted productivity, needless anxiety, and lowered morale. What a bunch of pussies! No offense my lovely ladies reading my blog.
Dont get me wrong; they're are some very dedicated employees who are apart of unions. Its okay! I just think its kinda funny on how they operate. At first they had their legitimate say, and now, well.......they have become the greedy moguls that they once spurned back in the olden times. Hey, Mr Hoffa, would you like your pay cut now?
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Wish List
It'll never come to pass, but these are the people I would love to meet...no particular order...although I did once speak to one of them briefly
1. Pete Carroll (USC head football coach)
2. Angelina Jolie (need I say more?)
3. Matt Leinart (Cardinal QB, former USC trojan)
4. Gene Simmons (rock star; the big tongue on KISS)
5. the brunette on MULHOLLAND DRIVE (not too sure about this one)
6. JFK (president, this dem was better than the shitty blues we have now)
7. Bill O'Reilly (Fox News)
8. Catherine Bell (Actress)
9. Jeff Gordon (driver of the #24 DuPont Chevy)
10. John Paul II (my pope)
11. L (view other blogs)
12. Mel Gibson (actor/director)
13. George W. Bush (president)
14. Quentin Tarantino (talented actor/director)
15. Milton Friedman (economist)
16. Jesse Livermore (trader)
17. Bridget Moynahan (actress,,,very nice)
18. Keira Knightley (actress, something about that blonde w/ brown)
19. Rhona Mitra (actress; another babe)
I'm tired..thats good enough.
1. Pete Carroll (USC head football coach)
2. Angelina Jolie (need I say more?)
3. Matt Leinart (Cardinal QB, former USC trojan)
4. Gene Simmons (rock star; the big tongue on KISS)
5. the brunette on MULHOLLAND DRIVE (not too sure about this one)
6. JFK (president, this dem was better than the shitty blues we have now)
7. Bill O'Reilly (Fox News)
8. Catherine Bell (Actress)
9. Jeff Gordon (driver of the #24 DuPont Chevy)
10. John Paul II (my pope)
11. L (view other blogs)
12. Mel Gibson (actor/director)
13. George W. Bush (president)
14. Quentin Tarantino (talented actor/director)
15. Milton Friedman (economist)
16. Jesse Livermore (trader)
17. Bridget Moynahan (actress,,,very nice)
18. Keira Knightley (actress, something about that blonde w/ brown)
19. Rhona Mitra (actress; another babe)
I'm tired..thats good enough.
Storms
Yesterday I went to work as usual. The only thing not usual was the weather. When I stepped outside, I thought it was 9 o' clock at night. The breeze was stiff and cool. I could feel the moisture in the air. It was dark, clouds moving, and lights were on all the cars; I LOVED it. Its one of those days where its fun to be out and just drive around or even stay home and open up the shades to view the scenery from my 2nd floor apartment.
I love the smell of rain. I like to know I can wear a long sleeve shirt and not worry about sweating in the afternoon hours. The A/C is nice, but I'd rather have the windows down--thats just me. Anyway, I walked into work, and it was so slowwwwwwwwwwwwww. I saw three souls that day. It was all because of the rain. In the later morning, I looked out the window and it was darker; the rain coming down in a almost horizontal motion b/c of the fierce winds. It got so bad the tornado sirens went off; I enjoyed every bit of it. Yet everyone was freaking out. What for? Its only water and wind. And the tornado? Well, if it's your time to go, then you go. Otherwise, plant your ass on a toilet so as to avoid flying glass in place of a stool, lol.
I once drove back from Ft Worth to College Station in a monsoon. I just attended a race (well it rained out that Sunday but I couldn't stay in town to see it the next day b/c earlier that semester Dr Dixon told us that on that certain Monday, the next day as it turns out, was the one day we were not to miss b/c of exam review. That class was tough so I wasn't going to chance it my senior year.) and was headed out of Hamilton, the outlet city. The rain was horizontal, and I was alongside an 18 wheeler going over 60. I tell you no lie! I was scared of me running into him or vice versa. It was a certain trip to the morgue if something went wrong. It was already night and the rain was so dense that I could barely make out the lights. I was scared!
Maybe I should move to Seattle. Sounds perfect! Its ritzy, clean, highly educated, beautiful, coastal, rains like Hell all year long, and it has the Space Needle. It is however the most suicidal city in the Union, eeek. Oh Hell, I'm quite resilient. I dont get down on shit, well maybe on one thing. You'd know that from reading my prior blogs, but hey, otherwise, I'm fine. I've suffered some bad shit in my day, but I've also had a shotgun and handgun this long without holding it to my head. The worst is "ovah", as my friend Amy would say.
I love the smell of rain. I like to know I can wear a long sleeve shirt and not worry about sweating in the afternoon hours. The A/C is nice, but I'd rather have the windows down--thats just me. Anyway, I walked into work, and it was so slowwwwwwwwwwwwww. I saw three souls that day. It was all because of the rain. In the later morning, I looked out the window and it was darker; the rain coming down in a almost horizontal motion b/c of the fierce winds. It got so bad the tornado sirens went off; I enjoyed every bit of it. Yet everyone was freaking out. What for? Its only water and wind. And the tornado? Well, if it's your time to go, then you go. Otherwise, plant your ass on a toilet so as to avoid flying glass in place of a stool, lol.
I once drove back from Ft Worth to College Station in a monsoon. I just attended a race (well it rained out that Sunday but I couldn't stay in town to see it the next day b/c earlier that semester Dr Dixon told us that on that certain Monday, the next day as it turns out, was the one day we were not to miss b/c of exam review. That class was tough so I wasn't going to chance it my senior year.) and was headed out of Hamilton, the outlet city. The rain was horizontal, and I was alongside an 18 wheeler going over 60. I tell you no lie! I was scared of me running into him or vice versa. It was a certain trip to the morgue if something went wrong. It was already night and the rain was so dense that I could barely make out the lights. I was scared!
Maybe I should move to Seattle. Sounds perfect! Its ritzy, clean, highly educated, beautiful, coastal, rains like Hell all year long, and it has the Space Needle. It is however the most suicidal city in the Union, eeek. Oh Hell, I'm quite resilient. I dont get down on shit, well maybe on one thing. You'd know that from reading my prior blogs, but hey, otherwise, I'm fine. I've suffered some bad shit in my day, but I've also had a shotgun and handgun this long without holding it to my head. The worst is "ovah", as my friend Amy would say.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
They Walk In Pairs
I sat there eating my dinner. I love the food they make at this place. Its not pretentious, not expensive and very easy to eat day or night. It's never packed, and I like my place right by the window. I sat there tired as hell. I knew I shouldn't be eating this heavy, but oh well, I had to splurge a bit. Within the past hour, I just finished a leg workout, paid my rent, and examined my ever-so-late shipment of protein powder. It was 7:30.
I sat eating my chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. As I looked outside I saw couples walking by. Some had children, some didn't. Some were old, some young. Some were chubby and some weren't. They all took weird forms, but they all seemed happy. They had significant others--wives/hubbies, boyfriends/girlfriends, lovers, concubines, etc. They looked happy. Suddenly, I had a deep sense of hopelessness. I felt alone. Hardly, do I feel that way, but it overcame me at just that moment.
I can undo the loneliness with anyone. There really is no problem there. But I want the one I want, not just anyone. Again, the sense of being alone haunted me. Growing old alone isn't the worst thought, but the thought of growing old while having her in my heart and my mind constantly frightens me. I cant stand it sometimes. The thought of having a problem internally that I cannot rid myself of, that scares me. Physical pain--two-a-day workouts back in high school, smashing body parts by falling weights in the weight room, semi-concussion in a playoff game, popping a molar filling on a Friday evening which caused excruciating pain over a weekend and not able to get a dentist, food poisoning four or five times and not going to the hospital, sinus infection suffocating my air supply while running up a mountain side in defiance of God b/c I was tired of having to see a doctor constantly for years after graduation--this "physical pain" I can withstand.
The pain inside that involves L and our Lord, I cannot bare. The dejection! The worst part--knowing that God may have hung me out to dry! Can this be? I dont know. I'm constantly fighting the temptation to get mad at God. It is really exhausting at times! I try to think of what Christ went through and how my problem pales in comparison. I keep telling myself that God is all-loving and wants the best for us. If that is so, why couldn't you have spared me this feeling? Why couldn't you have spared me seeing her in the first place? Why did we ever have to take that class together? Why? Tell me! Say something!
Then again single is nice. This thought soon crept into my head and soothed me over, but not enough. It was that proverbial alcoholic drink that soothes the pain temporarily. I know I can do whatever I want! Go to Europe, Austrailia, Carribean, Vegas whenever the hell I wish. I dont have to worry about asking permission or ever changing diapers. I can afford any car I want or live whereever I want. I can enjoy any hobby or craft. I enjoy the fact that if shit comes down hard I really dont need my job although I've enjoyed the few jobs that I've had. I dont have to lie awake at night thinking of how to support my family. I could become a man whore; it wouldn't be hard. Afterall, I would love to "experience" different women that I come across. To tell you the truth, the thought of her stops me from fantasizing about the hot bod in front of me waiting for her food. Yet the allures of the single life I do not want.
Its only 8:30 and I want to go to sleep. Proverbial drink anyone?
I sat eating my chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. As I looked outside I saw couples walking by. Some had children, some didn't. Some were old, some young. Some were chubby and some weren't. They all took weird forms, but they all seemed happy. They had significant others--wives/hubbies, boyfriends/girlfriends, lovers, concubines, etc. They looked happy. Suddenly, I had a deep sense of hopelessness. I felt alone. Hardly, do I feel that way, but it overcame me at just that moment.
I can undo the loneliness with anyone. There really is no problem there. But I want the one I want, not just anyone. Again, the sense of being alone haunted me. Growing old alone isn't the worst thought, but the thought of growing old while having her in my heart and my mind constantly frightens me. I cant stand it sometimes. The thought of having a problem internally that I cannot rid myself of, that scares me. Physical pain--two-a-day workouts back in high school, smashing body parts by falling weights in the weight room, semi-concussion in a playoff game, popping a molar filling on a Friday evening which caused excruciating pain over a weekend and not able to get a dentist, food poisoning four or five times and not going to the hospital, sinus infection suffocating my air supply while running up a mountain side in defiance of God b/c I was tired of having to see a doctor constantly for years after graduation--this "physical pain" I can withstand.
The pain inside that involves L and our Lord, I cannot bare. The dejection! The worst part--knowing that God may have hung me out to dry! Can this be? I dont know. I'm constantly fighting the temptation to get mad at God. It is really exhausting at times! I try to think of what Christ went through and how my problem pales in comparison. I keep telling myself that God is all-loving and wants the best for us. If that is so, why couldn't you have spared me this feeling? Why couldn't you have spared me seeing her in the first place? Why did we ever have to take that class together? Why? Tell me! Say something!
Then again single is nice. This thought soon crept into my head and soothed me over, but not enough. It was that proverbial alcoholic drink that soothes the pain temporarily. I know I can do whatever I want! Go to Europe, Austrailia, Carribean, Vegas whenever the hell I wish. I dont have to worry about asking permission or ever changing diapers. I can afford any car I want or live whereever I want. I can enjoy any hobby or craft. I enjoy the fact that if shit comes down hard I really dont need my job although I've enjoyed the few jobs that I've had. I dont have to lie awake at night thinking of how to support my family. I could become a man whore; it wouldn't be hard. Afterall, I would love to "experience" different women that I come across. To tell you the truth, the thought of her stops me from fantasizing about the hot bod in front of me waiting for her food. Yet the allures of the single life I do not want.
Its only 8:30 and I want to go to sleep. Proverbial drink anyone?
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Hit It Bayyyyybayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
I sat there @ second base doing my usual bullshitting in my head. Dad sat next to me. He was to my right, and I was trying to stop him from betting 25 bucks a hand. It was hard enough to watch over him and to keep him from blowing his wad too soon while doing my mental arithmatic ; - )
If you play blackjack correctly, you should slowly loose your load over time while having fun with the "noise". The residuals do have their time and place at the table which make us feel like kings on the upswing, yet humbling our ego soon thereafter on the down. However, regressional analysis shows an inverted correlation b/w time and ur scanty bankroll. Unless, there is something to upset the equilibrium, like counting or cheating, then the negative coefficient will retain its integrity. House odds will turn against them by 1-3% depending on time, betting system, and counting method. Or if you're happy with the fact that the House has your ass by .5%, then you'll do fine in life. In other words, dont make stupid decisions and just have fun. Hey Dr. Baltagi, take that!!
I sat there with the deck winding down. The count never got beyond +3 or -5. It was the first deck I had played since descending upon the casino. Ten minutes earlier I had downed two Long Island Iced Teas. I love the ones they make there! Gin, vodka, rum, triple sec, sweet n sour and just a touch of coke to give it color, like tea. This is just part of the bar I was at.
So I sat there wondering about what I was going to eat later, who I was gonna meet while being there for the weekend, and would I ever be with ....... I woke up; the dealer was throwing down the cards. +1, +1, 0, -1, 0, 0, 0, +1 and nothing looked worthwhile, so basic strategy I go. The hands came and went; again, there was nothing spectacular. Five dollar bets and that was it, at least for now.
My mind ran bored.
Should I get that Volvo I saw while driving into town?
Back to reality...dealer has a 6 showing so I'm gonna let him bust.
Am I gonna be worth a damn shooting my new Taurus 24/7?
BTR...dealer is asking if I want insurance...nah.
Why the hell doesnt New Mexico allow alcohol on the gaming floor? Afterall, I just spent $9 for a Long Island! What the hell is Bill Richardson thinking? I cannot stand his liberal ......
BTR...."Son, are you okay?" my Dad asks. "I'm fine," I respond.
Why dont younger folks my age come to gamble as oppose to ski? I'm the youngest guy in here by 20 yrs. Same goes for work, Adoration, my friends......I'm a young pup for where I've been.
BTR.....the count grows into a -10.
The next hand brings me a K, 3.....dealer shows a 4. I double down without hesitation.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" asks the dealer.
"I'm sure," I respond.
"Double down on King, Three," he yells to the pit boss without turning his head. The PB was strolling as usual and took a quick look at our direction. I will not lie; there is a moment of anxiety when they do that.
He pulls the card out and puts it on top of my King Three. Its a 6. "Good hit," the rest in the table respond. "Good hit fella" the dealer responds as he works his way to third base.
I beat the dealer on the hand or he busted, I forget. Had I busted, I would have lost automatically before he even called his own card.
The dealer goes on, "you're not supposed to double down on a hand like that unless you're counting cards. Only guys who count cards would do that. Wow, rarely do I see that...."
"Color me up," I interjected before the dealer could get out another word. "Come on Dad, lets go for another drink." A small grin came from my old man. I wasnt sure if was from knowing he's going to indulge in another Long Island, or the fact that the fruit of his loins just impressed a table full of people while bringing attention from the management.
It was fun, but yes, a small card was on its way out. I made 30 bucks that hand. I knew what was coming up; I knew if I kept it up the pit boss would ask me questions. I know their "looks." It's very unsettling. Anyhow, back to the bar I go. How and the hell my Dad beat me back there, I'll never know. As it turned out, I had to sit five chairs down from him b/c of the women in between. One was making good conversation with Dad.
So I sat there next to one of the younger ladies whose friend was talking to Dad. I said hello like a gentleman. She wasnt attractive. As I turn my head, the bartender makes his way over....
"Let me have a Long Island please."
"Sorry buddy, you've hit your limit," said the bartender without a hint of sympathy for me.
"What?"
"Security just told me that you've had two Long Islands...."
"Are you freakin' serious? I only had two earlier!"
"I know; I've been told not to serve you anymore."
"Are you saying I have to drink water now?" I asked.
"No, but Long Islands have a lot of alcohol......"
"I know they do, thats why I'm ordering one," I interjected.
"You can have any drink you want, just not a Long Island," he said. I momentarily felt like I was in the Garden of Eden listening to the Father give Adam his first no-no.
"Fine, " I said, "give me a Captain and coke."
Half an hour ago, I had given the fucker an enormous tip. Or did my Dad leave the tip? I forget, but either way, his ass owed me some latitude. A minute later he came back with my change, and I kept it! Take that, bartender!
If you play blackjack correctly, you should slowly loose your load over time while having fun with the "noise". The residuals do have their time and place at the table which make us feel like kings on the upswing, yet humbling our ego soon thereafter on the down. However, regressional analysis shows an inverted correlation b/w time and ur scanty bankroll. Unless, there is something to upset the equilibrium, like counting or cheating, then the negative coefficient will retain its integrity. House odds will turn against them by 1-3% depending on time, betting system, and counting method. Or if you're happy with the fact that the House has your ass by .5%, then you'll do fine in life. In other words, dont make stupid decisions and just have fun. Hey Dr. Baltagi, take that!!
I sat there with the deck winding down. The count never got beyond +3 or -5. It was the first deck I had played since descending upon the casino. Ten minutes earlier I had downed two Long Island Iced Teas. I love the ones they make there! Gin, vodka, rum, triple sec, sweet n sour and just a touch of coke to give it color, like tea. This is just part of the bar I was at.
So I sat there wondering about what I was going to eat later, who I was gonna meet while being there for the weekend, and would I ever be with ....... I woke up; the dealer was throwing down the cards. +1, +1, 0, -1, 0, 0, 0, +1 and nothing looked worthwhile, so basic strategy I go. The hands came and went; again, there was nothing spectacular. Five dollar bets and that was it, at least for now.
My mind ran bored.
Should I get that Volvo I saw while driving into town?
Back to reality...dealer has a 6 showing so I'm gonna let him bust.
Am I gonna be worth a damn shooting my new Taurus 24/7?
BTR...dealer is asking if I want insurance...nah.
Why the hell doesnt New Mexico allow alcohol on the gaming floor? Afterall, I just spent $9 for a Long Island! What the hell is Bill Richardson thinking? I cannot stand his liberal ......
BTR...."Son, are you okay?" my Dad asks. "I'm fine," I respond.
Why dont younger folks my age come to gamble as oppose to ski? I'm the youngest guy in here by 20 yrs. Same goes for work, Adoration, my friends......I'm a young pup for where I've been.
BTR.....the count grows into a -10.
The next hand brings me a K, 3.....dealer shows a 4. I double down without hesitation.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" asks the dealer.
"I'm sure," I respond.
"Double down on King, Three," he yells to the pit boss without turning his head. The PB was strolling as usual and took a quick look at our direction. I will not lie; there is a moment of anxiety when they do that.
He pulls the card out and puts it on top of my King Three. Its a 6. "Good hit," the rest in the table respond. "Good hit fella" the dealer responds as he works his way to third base.
I beat the dealer on the hand or he busted, I forget. Had I busted, I would have lost automatically before he even called his own card.
The dealer goes on, "you're not supposed to double down on a hand like that unless you're counting cards. Only guys who count cards would do that. Wow, rarely do I see that...."
"Color me up," I interjected before the dealer could get out another word. "Come on Dad, lets go for another drink." A small grin came from my old man. I wasnt sure if was from knowing he's going to indulge in another Long Island, or the fact that the fruit of his loins just impressed a table full of people while bringing attention from the management.
It was fun, but yes, a small card was on its way out. I made 30 bucks that hand. I knew what was coming up; I knew if I kept it up the pit boss would ask me questions. I know their "looks." It's very unsettling. Anyhow, back to the bar I go. How and the hell my Dad beat me back there, I'll never know. As it turned out, I had to sit five chairs down from him b/c of the women in between. One was making good conversation with Dad.
So I sat there next to one of the younger ladies whose friend was talking to Dad. I said hello like a gentleman. She wasnt attractive. As I turn my head, the bartender makes his way over....
"Let me have a Long Island please."
"Sorry buddy, you've hit your limit," said the bartender without a hint of sympathy for me.
"What?"
"Security just told me that you've had two Long Islands...."
"Are you freakin' serious? I only had two earlier!"
"I know; I've been told not to serve you anymore."
"Are you saying I have to drink water now?" I asked.
"No, but Long Islands have a lot of alcohol......"
"I know they do, thats why I'm ordering one," I interjected.
"You can have any drink you want, just not a Long Island," he said. I momentarily felt like I was in the Garden of Eden listening to the Father give Adam his first no-no.
"Fine, " I said, "give me a Captain and coke."
Half an hour ago, I had given the fucker an enormous tip. Or did my Dad leave the tip? I forget, but either way, his ass owed me some latitude. A minute later he came back with my change, and I kept it! Take that, bartender!
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